In Defense of Filler Boyfriends

I came across an article recently that discussed the idea of women’s roles in the lives of their male friends.  She had determined that is many instances the platonic relationships she had with men found her playing a filler girlfriend role.  She was the go to girl for many of her friends when they had to have a date for an event or just wanted to get out when they were not in a relationship.  She participates in girlfriend/boyfriend activities with her platonic male friends.  They are in no way involved physically nor does she have the desire to be.  But once one of her male friends is in a relationship she loses touch with them and seldom hears from them until their relationship is over.   Then she once again fills the role of filler girlfriend.  She questioned whether or not these relationships were truly friendships or if she was being taken advantage of.  You can find the article, The 5 Signs You’re a Filler Girlfriend, here.

I have had more filler boyfriends than I have had real ones.   I went nearly thirteen years without dating because I was raising a child on my own and he needed me more than I needed the complications a man would have added to both our lives.  I did however find plenty of occasions where I required a date for a work event or social engagement.  Sometimes I just wanted to go have dinner with another adult and always preferred it to be a male friend.  Going out with my male friends made me feel like less of a spinster. 

I always have more male friends than female friends and I enjoyed spending time with them for a variety of reasons.  Having a filler boyfriend allows you to go to events like work functions without the awkwardness of trying to be on a date, when you are still expected to behave as you would at work.  I find that my male friends, on the whole are more open and honest in discussions.  And there is that anxiety caused by what will be expected of you at the close of a date.  Nothing is ever going to happen with a filler boyfriend so you can relax and enjoy their company, the way you would with any female friend.

 My male friends arguably know more about me than most of the people I date.  And most of my male friends have been my filler boyfriends at some point.  Sometimes we lose touch but I always try to stay in contact with them because they are my friends.  I don’t feel like I was being used or using anyone because I enjoy spending time with the people I care about and that is what friends are for.  They are there to support you when you need it.  I appreciate the roles my male friends have played in my life.  I learned a lot about dating without dating.  I learned a lot about men because there was no pressure and they could be honest. 

I’ve had lots of filler boyfriends because I have amazing male friends.  And if I were dating I would still want to spend time with my friends.  I love my friends and I like finding any excuse to hang out with them.  If that means going to a wedding then I don’t think that matters much. 

 

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2 Comments

  1. I understand what you are saying I really am taking advantage of where I am in my life but my personal life has suffered a bit lately. I am a little gun shy about pursuing a relationship which is something I ultimately want and going on psuedo-dates is no way to achieve that. Thanks for the moral support and recognizing that I deserve more. I honestly know I do too.

    Reply
  2. There´s an episode of SATC, in which one of Carrie´s gay friends tells her that he doesn´t expect to find everything he wants in one man… It made a lot of sense to me. And the way I look at it, the (multiple) filler boyfriends provide all the great stuff that isn´t necessarily required in the person I date. :P
    Yikes, kinda sounds selfish, doesn´t it??

    Reply

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