So I have a little problem. This is unrelated to my normal posts and I guess I am really looking for some advice given the person I would have gone to for counsel… just isn’t an option. I had rough time at the last apartment complex I lived at. I had issues with one woman in particular and I am not placing the blame solely on her shoulders but she had (I believe) a lot to do with why my last attempt at relationship went so poorly.
This woman hated me with a passion. I can theorize why she disliked me but it genuinely seemed that she hated me. When we met I did not trust her. It may have been a conflict in personalities. I really had no issue with her other than noting we would never be close. We had mutual friends at the complex and I always tried to be civil (for years I tried to be civil.) I had noticed that she seemed nosy with few of my neighbors and that she had no issue sharing personal information about them with others.
I had, on two occasions, tried to open up to her during periods where I was feeling particularly weak and needed someone to talk to. Both instances did not involve me sharing any major crises but where things I needed to vent about nonetheless. In both instances she shared the information with other people and in both cases by the time I got wind of the fact she had shared my personal business, it had come back merely a shadow of the drama she added for affect.
Once I became aware that this was happening I stopped talking to her. I would make polite conversation in mixed company but other than that I didn’t speak to her. She began talking about me to anyone who would listen. I have only encountered women who behave this way twice in my adult life. What she said about me was venomous and when I got sick of hearing what was being said I just stopped socializing at the complex. I literally didn’t speak to any of my neighbors.
Last year I started spending time with a coworker, a guy who also worked for the apartment complex in which I lived. As I began to develop feelings for this man and it had become apparent to everyone that I had, she began talking about me to him. She genuinely seemed to revel in my misery. She seemed happiest when I was sad and would go out of her way to goad me. I haven’t experienced a lot of that level of hatred as an adult and I really didn’t know how to deal with it.
When things didn’t work out between me and the guy I had been seeing I was devastated. I was broken and it has taken me a long time to get back to place where I feel like I am ready to move forward. During that time that I was struggling she was jubilant. She made no attempt to hide it. She would smirk and ask me how I was doing. She would ask my son if I was dealing with everything alright. She never did so out of concern but more as means to let me know she knew that I was hurting.
I wound up moving because I found it difficult to live there anymore. It was hard for many reasons but her inexplicable animosity toward me was a large part of the reason I left. When I moved I vowed that I would not befriend my new neighbors. I really seldom do get involved with my neighbors. The last place I lived reminded me of why. I am more than content to keep to myself.
Here is my issue. One of my new neighbors reminds me so much of this woman that it makes me uncomfortable. She is friendly but untrustworthy. She is nosy and seems to know a lot about our neighbors. I can ignore that. I can ignore her and I avoid her most days. But she seems to be sort of infatuated with my son. She just seems to think about and talk about him too much. She is definitely interested in him in a way that is not platonic and that makes me uncomfortable. I have mentioned this to him and he never really reacts. She is an admittedly promiscuous single mother of three and she is also emotionally unstable. There are few times in my life that I wish I had a man around for my son to talk to but right now I can’t think of anything I want more. I know he is going back to training in a few days but I am struggling with this. I just want to make sure he makes good choices for himself.
Aaron
/ July 19, 2011A nosy solitary woman. She has most definitely at least touched on your presence during chit-chat with other neighbors, she won’t be able to help it, even if it’s not malicious…yet.
Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable to think about haha.
trjensen
/ July 20, 2011I find most women who openly pry into other people’s personal lives because they seem to lack one of their own thrive on drama. I also find that the less I indulge the kind of inapproriate questioning the more hostility I encounter. Women can be brutal to each other, especially when they feel threatened. This one, is keenly aware of my male friends and assumes that I must be “entertaining” them. The truth is I enjoy male company because I find a rationale in men that I do not see present in many women. But because she is openly promiscuous she assumes the same is true of me and I do not respond to that line of questioning. Women who do not relate to other women on an emotional level are often ostrasized. I experience this a lot with young women. I have plenty of experience dealing with it. I will be fine, I was just hoping I would not have to deal with it again so soon.