I have received the Glitter E. Yaynus Award. When I checked the award I laughed. Apparently the award is to be given to people who A) Like to talk about themselves and/or B) Have shown their proverbial ass on their blog. I am proud to say that I have done both on more than one occasion and proudly except the award bestowed on me by the lovely Lizzie at Running Naked with Scissors.
Thank you Lizzie! Lizzie said, “This may be the only award I ever get that she doesn’t already have so I have to take the opportunity.” You are correct, madam. I knew nothing of the Glitter E. Yaynus Award and it is probably the one award, no one could argue is appropriate for my blog. And now for the rules…
First: Tell people at least five things you do that would make them want to kill you, or at the very least, make them hate you for the rest of their lives. I could name way, way more than five. If listed the unintentional things I would have enough pages for a novel.
I am constantly showing my girlfriends pictures of all the hot (and I mean hot) guys I have dated. My favorite time to show of my eye candy pics is when I am being accused of trying to poach some creepy bar troll from one of my friends while out. I simply take out my phone find a picture of the guy I am dating and remind them that “I date guys that look like this.” It typically shuts them up and pisses them off.
I swear all the time. I swear as much if not more than my Scottish friend and he cusses a lot. I am constantly being shooshed. I spent the bulk of my youth hanging out with kids who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. It is just the way I talk. I am getting better about controlling it based on a situation but once I have had a few drinks all bets are off.
I will Google something and prove to you that I am right. If you feel the need to attempt to correct me when I know I am correct then I will return the favor by proving you wrong regardless of who is around. If I am wrong then I am wrong and I don’t make a big deal about it but if I tell you something and I can prove that I am correct then you can bet your ass I am going to do so. It is totally ego but if I feel like someone is just trying to be an asshole then I will be one right back.
I will talk about sex with complete strangers at a bar, restaurant or in a store. It doesn’t typically start out as a conversation with strangers. I am normally talking to friends and someone overhears and chimes in or someone asks me what I do and explain that I write about dating and/or that I used to write porn summaries for an adult video company. Regardless of how the conversation starts, with me, it typically ends in a conversation about sex.
I will write about anything I feel like writing about. If I need to write about something, I write about it. If I am mad then I say so. If someone pisses me off I’ll share that story. If someone does something stupid then I will recount it as accurately as I can. The problem is everyone assumes everything is about them. I’ll say something like, “No it is about me,” and then they hate me.
The next thing you have to do according to the rules is this: Run across a freeway blindfolded. I am nowhere near a freeway and I value you my awesome self way too much to risk getting hit by a car and I have no insurance.
The third thing I am supposed to do is pick out five things that I would stick up my ass if I was forced to.
Anyone’s poor opinion of me. But then I would pull it back out and insist they carry it around with them.
Anything I might lose. I misplace my keys and debit card on occasion. If I shoved them up my butt then I wouldn’t have to worry about losing them.
My purse. My son is under the misguided impression I can shit money anyway.
My “Fat” pictures. There aren’t many of these still in existence but I would gladly shove them up my ass if it meant no one would ever see them again.
Marshmallows. Everything else will take up so much room that I think a few marshmallows may be the only thing that will still fit.
I am also supposed to pick out five bloggers who I feel are worthy of Prom Court. Who has a glittery ass? Hmm. Who won’t this offend? Hmm…
Jeanna at Xanax or Running Shoes because she is awesome and loves her “bad” self.
MC at MysteryCoach because she is outspoken and I LOVE her for that.
Cadence at Search 4 a Soul Mate because she is honest.
Jen at Sips of Jen and Tonic mostly because I want to see what she has to say about getting the award.
And included the award in you acceptance post.
That is all! Thanks for reading. I am going to return to staring at myself in the mirror now.