I need you all to explain to me how this works because I really don’t fucking get it. I don’t want to hear any bullshit about the crazy:hot ratio either because I know guys who deal with a lot of shit from girls who are cute but no one would call them hot. I know many guys insist that all women are crazy and that in itself is annoying but I mean when a girl is clearly going to be a problem a month down the line; girls who exhibit everything most men say they don’t want within a week of dating and they eat it up.
I will cite an example and what triggered this little tirade. I have a friend who started dating a girl last Saturday. They met on a dating site. He messaged me last week and said that he met a girl and that they have been out every night since. That is fine. I am happy for him. He said she likes him a lot and he likes her and that they plan on taking it slow but they aren’t taking it slow at all. That is up to them but because I was curious what the fuss was about I Facebook stalked her (just a little.)
When I found her and looked at her page I was overwhelmed by the declarations she had already made to my friend (she tagged him in every status update.) “I miss you already.” “Are you tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day?” “My mom added you on Facebook.” When I read all the crazy things she posted about a man she hasn’t even known a week, I thought… I fucking hate men! She is clearly an issue but not mine so I do not care about her impending fits of jealous rage and the inevitable restraining order.
Men say they don’t want a girl who is clingy, too needy or moves too fast. The truth of the matter is this girl is a walking time bomb of nuts and my friend is eating it up. I understand wanting someone to like you but come on. This girl is going to be a problem. I know so many guys who get sucked into this. I have seen guys date women with no sense of boundaries. Why is this attractive? And clearly it is attractive or appealing.
I think the fact of the matter isn’t that guys don’t want women that behave like this but that has to be determined on a case by case basis. Guys say women are crazy but the above mentioned behavior is crazy to me. It screams desperate and needy. Is that what men secretly want? If it is I am fucked. I don’t have it in me. But really… have fun building a relationship with your future stalker.
Cakes McCain
/ April 16, 2012Sheesh! How the hell can we win with these guys?
mysterycoach
/ April 16, 2012hahahaha! Oh GUUURL
I’ve seen this over and over again and the root of the problem is A. We get a great guy whose been fucked over and he’s ruined by some crazy loon like this, that makes the quality and quantity (so it appears to me) in men who are not all fucked up by an ex massively difficult.
B. To me the other thing is that who doesn’t like attention?
C. We want someone to be that crazy for us while we maintain our integrity and keep our wits about us and it’s not appreciated so where’s the questions really?
How to find a guy who is on the same page. Mind you, you know, I’ve seen women do this shit too. This stuff goes both ways. It’s that smitten cutsie phase where they guy/gal is so hot and love the attention and the sex and everything else and then… like 6 weeks 3/6 months later you wake up… and you chew your fucking arm off! hahaha!
He’ll wake up (we hope) eventually. It’s normal, he’s an idiot, we’ve all been idiots.
So uh… you’re a stalker now aye? hahaha!
“Because” I get where you’re comin from, here’s a story for ya!
When I was 26/7 yrs., old I had the same fit you are. So, I did a M.C. personal survey while out at the bar I worked at. I proceeded to treat this guy like complete and utter shit. He stood there and listened to me but didn’t go anywhere… I mean, I couldn’t have been more assholeo if it was actually my nature. (I had a shot of tequilla so that was helpful) So… I go to the flower girl, tell her to come over too and he’d by a rose. She came over, he gave her a small hand waive to go away… know what I did?
I looked him dead in the face and said, “You’re a dick, I can’t believe you’re not going to buy me a rose!” Guess what?
He bought one. I could not fucking believe that shit. I mean for a good hour I was horrific. Truly horrific. Finally, I couldn’t do it anymore and I said to him, “Why are you still here, I’ve done nothing but treat you like shit since we met?”
He said, “I don’t know”
Me: Well, I”m sorry for all I’ve done but I don’t understand it either. Don’t ever let someone treat you like I just did ever. I’m going to go.
I walked away… “never” did that again but there’s your proof. I was completely an evil person, just that one time and he took it, I couldn’t believe it… I just was amazed.
So. Rant away …
It’s some freaky thing. It happens. Years ago, Askmen.com (still online) had a great article about how it’s wise to have friend and someone not emotionally attached to the situation give you perspective on what’s going on. Because sometimes we simply do not see it… Gee? Did this get long? 
trjensen
/ April 16, 2012I agree with you and I have had guys I’ve been awful to eat it up and I have been on the recieving end of that too. My thing is this… I have been lead to believe for the bulk of my life that this behavior is undesirable and unattractive. We want you to need us but not be needy. We want you to be supportive but not be clingy. We want you to act as though your world revolves around us but don’t burden us with it. Then on girl comes along (the right girl) and everything she says and does supports how awesome you are and then crazy obssesive is good thing? How are we supposed to act? Everything men say the want and don’t want changes from girl to girl.
I’ve been walking around all locked up trying not to freak the guys I date out or run them off by showing too much affection or emotion with little results. But if you are at the extreme opposite end of that spectrum, crazy, unhealthy in love with a guy you barely know… that is desirable. (And the second a guy gets sick of all this undying admiration and cuts her off he is going to have a stalker on his hands.) I am really pissed about this, can ya tell? It is so ridiculous. Basically all this says to me is men have no idea what they want because everytime a guy says I don’t like that or this is something that would make me run away they seem to find a woman who behaves that way to the extreme and they like her for it.
It is so frustrating and irksome to me that I want to just kick someone in the nuts.
The Wandering Mind
/ April 16, 2012Who told you that every man has a consistent set of rules? People don’t CHANGE. They ADAPT.
Are you telling me that you haven’t met someone that made you bend or reconsider you rules/demands?
And why don’t you drink some tea or something & calm down hun? Let’s see how this plays out.
trjensen
/ April 16, 2012I am just frustrated. I don’t care about his relationship. It is his choice. I am just seeing this pattern of men laying down the lay in regard to what is acceptable then running open armed to the best/worst version of that person. I see it a lot. Bending would be deciding you could date someone who smokes and falling in love with someone who does. This is someone saying I don’t want to date someone who drinks then dating an alcoholic.
I have to say I am glad that you have a way of making me think about what I am saying. I appreciate that in you, Stephen.
The Wandering Mind
/ April 16, 2012You’re welcome.
mysterycoach
/ April 16, 2012I understand… you know what?
You know… being yourself is never over rated. Meaning, I hear you on watching a guy have this mess go on and you’re all like seriously? WTF?
I’ve seen perfectly dateable guys, I’d date them fall for this shit and I’m like HOLY FUCK man… wtf’ing or what?
There are plenty of guys who would run from this chick like their ass was on fire.
It’s the smitten phase… blinders on, rose colored glasses on… all that attention and if they slept together, now you have all that other stuff going on.
I agree with what wandering mind is saying about having met a person who I was not myself with. That was a big mistake and we didn’t work out because of it. Nooo, I kept remaining myself he kept wanting me to be … more like, a wall flower. Yah… Okay. Bite me… I told that boy flat out, you keep wanting me to change and one day… you’ll look at me and say …”What happened to that cool, sexy fun girl I met?”
I’ll say, “You killed her”… and that’s not happening.
I”m tired I’m rambling… I hope I’m making even a bit of sense.
In the end I think it goes to, it would be nice for someone to be that excited over Us… that shit drives me nuts too. I think, thank god that’s not me.
I’m sorry… I’m so tired. I see you later..
mysterycoach
/ April 16, 2012I guess too on some level while you or I may not act that way, we’d like to find someone too… and it bites our ass. If I’m going to be honest I may as well go all the way.
The Wandering Mind
/ April 16, 2012Guys put most women’s actions into this catagory: “I’m so into you.”
I’m so into you that I told all my friends about you = Hot
I’m so into you that I can’t stop messaging/calling you. = Cute (for a while)
I’m so into you that I put our relationship on every social media site = Cute (she isn’t ashamed of me!)
I’m so into you that I introduced you to my Mother = Sweet
I’m so into you that I think every song & quote is about you = …kinda sweet
I’m so into you that I want to do things to you that I’ve never even done to my boyfriends (who are ALL in jail or witness protection) = Crazy Good
I’m so into you that I got a tattoo of your name = A bit much
I’m so into you that I’m already planning our wedding & hot honey moon = Crazy
I’m so into you that I burst into tears when I dreamt about you sleeping with another girl = Crazy
I’m so into you that I google searched you & got my girl at the credit union to look up your credit & you look good from ALL angles boy! = Too damn much
trjensen
/ April 16, 2012But after a couple of dates Stephen? That is crazy! Saying a guy is attractive is one thing. Blowing up his Facebook page with comments about him that she tagged him in is nuts. He is eating it up!
The Wandering Mind
/ April 16, 2012Hahahaha, is she in High School? As soon as shit goes wrong he will be Public Enemy #1!
He likes the attention & that she is putting his name out there for all to see.
Either he really made an impact on her or she is obsessive. Her idea of “taking it slow” is probably sleeping in one of his shirts or leaving her stuff at his place.
trjensen
/ April 16, 2012She is grown with two children. And when shit goes wrong and he gets sick of the cutesie shit he is going to have to move, change his number and get a fucking restraining order to be rid of her ass. She is into him and that, to me, is obsessive.
I just know I could never ever get away with this stuff. It is so frustrating. I think it is a Virgo thing. You guys just love the crazies.
mysterycoach
/ April 16, 2012p.s. my saying “be you” was in response to the part of your response to ME about how you were saying like… don’t do this, that or whatever and I was saying be you… ya know? Okay, I’m senseless… Night.
Pink Ninjabi
/ April 16, 2012Yeah, it really does drive me nuts when nice guys go for b*tchy girls. It’s like, come on! Sigh…
Pink.
Theo Black
/ April 16, 2012I think clingy is wonderful, but only if she is smart enough and has enough self-respect to lay off the clinging until she knows whether or not I’m a complete shithead. A girl that gloms on that quickly has issues, and worse, she’s made a snap decision that this guy must be the answer to every one of her issues. Just my humble opinion.
karmicdiva
/ April 16, 2012I’ve seen it and it’s amazing how quick one will set all the trappings and convince themselves he’s relationship material before she even knows him well enough. bravo. good post
trjensen
/ April 16, 2012He’s awesome! He is a great guy. I wouldn’t date him but she is crazy. I just think she is one of those women who can’t be alone.
bestbathroombooks
/ April 16, 2012Your rant is entertaining but… Guys and girls aren’t puzzles, they’re just humans. You can’t figure out why people do things, you can only guess. Why would a victim of pedophilia become a pedophile? Why would a victim of abuse abuse? The human brain is a conundrum. Don’t let the confusion get you too worked up. There are plenty of men out there who aren’t nuts.
Aurathena
/ April 16, 2012I’m so glad you posted about this! One of my guy friend’s broke up with his on/off/on/off/on/off/on/FINALLY off girlfriend a few years ago. He deleted her from Facebook but added her again…and she instantly responded. I don’t know why he can’t figure out that she’s insane.
thefutureofhope
/ April 16, 2012I have asked my guy friends the same thing! However, I also have a close girl friend who is literally THAT girl. The answer is always the same whether from friends or soon to be exes of my friend. 1. Crazy girls equal beyond crazy sex. They dig it. A LOT. 2. Its the “bad girl” stigma. It is exciting, never boring, never predictable and they think they can get them to change and settle down their behavior. 3. It is good to feel needed. (On this last one I would like to note I had an argument with an ex about me NOT calling him a million times or stalking him when he went out with his friends and didn’t come home right on time. We actually argued because I didn’t NEED him enough, NAG him enough, or STRIVE for his attention enough. We broke up after that.)
Anyway, don’t worry girlfriend- you do not want those types of guy. You will find someone! Be patient enough and don’t settle!
trjensen
/ April 16, 2012I won’t settle. I just find it annoying that this behavior has some merit when I am walking around worried I am being to needy or clingy. I have a couple of girlfriends that totally get away with this shit too. I just know, from personal experience, that if I was constantly in the face of the men I date I wouldn’t have access to that face for long. I find that behavior annoying and a little scary. I realize I am a little too reserved but I would never go to the opposite extreme. That isn’t even healthy infatuation.
thefutureofhope
/ April 16, 2012Just be you! Someone will pick up the good vibes! We all have! You got us roped in! I used to worry all the time but I got to the point where I was who I am and didn’t care. It made decisions easier to make quicker. So I didn’t feel like I wasted my time or anyone elses. I wish you were closer, I’d totally set you up with some hotties!
Viciously Sweet
/ April 16, 2012Teri, I la la love every word in this blog. I see this a lot with both male and female friends of mine. Sometimes my seamingly not crazy friends turn ape shit crazy when they like get into a relationship. And there is nothing wrong with that… However, when its 80% of my Facebook feed there is a definite problem!!!!
Ben
/ April 17, 2012When it comes to guys falling for crazy women, a few reasons spring to mind:
Obsession is an extreme form of flattery. When a woman lets you know she’s into you, it feels really good. It’s an ego boost. When she lets you know she’s REALLY into you, it feels even better. Wow, I must be quite the guy! When she lets you know that she can’t stop thinking about you, that you consume her every thought, it’s a serious ego trip. Damn, I must be the cream of the male crop! Society demands competitiveness from men, so having a woman be that into you tells you that maybe you are just that much better than most men out there. Of course, buying too deeply into this is revealing that perhaps you have some deep-seated self-esteem issues and the crazy woman has sunk her hooks deep into that.
Men often feel the need to fix things. Few things need fixing as much as a crazy woman does. I myself have fallen for a crazy woman for this reason. Fixing things is also a nice ego boost, and if you find that this crazy woman “evens out” with you around, maybe even shows who she is underneath the crazy, it’s a great feeling.
Good sex will often trump just about anything for a while. Even craziness. Maybe she’s just a hellcat in the sack, can’t keep her hands off him, pulls him into a nearby closet or bathroom for a quickie at every turn. That song “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry springs to mind. And I don’t think that crazy = great sex, but rather great sex will keep you coming back around despite the crazy. A man will put up with a lot if he’s getting lots of great sex.
Lastly, maybe it’s love. Love can hit fast and hard, even after such a short period of time. That insane feeling of love can really wallpaper over the numerous “obvious” flaws that everyone else sees, at least for a little while.
Ultimately though, most well-adjusted men don’t want a crazy woman. The reasons above might suck them in for a little while, but eventually they will move on and seek out a good woman who’s not insane. Provided of course that they survive the breakup with the crazy obsessed nut…
trjensen
/ April 17, 2012I think this what it really boils down to Ben. I think that you are absolutely correct.
mysterycoach
/ April 18, 2012This is such a good response Ben BUT that’s not love, that’s the whole obsessive lust thing people “think” is love cuz it’s such a high.
Really real love has a different feel to it which, actually makes the sex that much better (if you can imagine that). Course, that’s been my experience
Ben
/ April 18, 2012I TOTALLY agree, it’s most likely not love at all, but I figured not knowing the two people in question, I couldn’t completely write off the slim chance that it might be. But even if it is love, the dude should still run away as fast as possible LOL
trjensen
/ April 18, 2012He’s moving in with her!!!!
Ben
/ April 18, 2012D’OH! Didn’t realize it was the contagious insanity!!
mysterycoach
/ April 18, 2012@ Ben. Very true… I hear ya.
@TR: SHUT UP ! are you KIDDING ME! WTF!?
Wow…
nancyelizabethlauzon
/ April 17, 2012You’re right, there are a lot of crazies out there, but you have to ask yourself … what is it about this guy friend of yours that makes him want this craziness in his life? That’s what I always wonder. It takes two people to make a crazy relationship. The crazy person is easy to figure out … they’re nuts. The person who enables and allows the crazy person into their life isn’t nuts, but they’re looking for something so desperately they’re willing to put up with crazy. That’s really the question. He sounds like he’s losing himself and losing his integrity. Hope she doesn’t smother him in his sleep some night.
trjensen
/ April 17, 2012I agree with you about my guy friend. He is surrounded by and continues to add drama to his life. He also plays the victim a lot. We have conversations where I say if you do this… this will happen. He says he understands but does it anyway. Then I have to listen to him complain about how everything fell through. I see lots of people declare that they do not want something then seem to seek out someone or something that exemplifies that thing or person they didn’t want.
I guess my issue is that we, women, are portrayed as the irrantional, fickle sex and men make the same crazy choices, often crazier choices, in my opinion.
mysterycoach
/ April 18, 2012Are ya seeing it yet? Men and women are not all that different… we just miss it cuz we’re so busy bitching about it to one another.
(A’m just saying… Morning! I just woke up)
daterofboys
/ April 17, 2012Attention is probably the key here, and I actually understand it from the other side…my bestie and I have both dated the “crazy/obsessive guy” and we both agree: it’s the sex. Sex with crazy can be UNREAL good. And it’s the reason why we kept those boys around, past their due dates…I’m guessing it’s the same on the other side.
Too bad about the impending downfall…I hope for his sake that it’s bandaid quick (but it never is).
junelikethemonth
/ April 17, 2012As a woman, I find that behavior appaling as well (both parties)…I am out there, single and on sites, and I can’t find a decent man…maybe I am not crazy enough? Maybe I am too independent?
Those retarded men who love these crazy ass bitches are the exact reason I just fuck instead of dealing with dating…geesh
trjensen
/ April 17, 2012Sometimes that is easier for me too. I go through phases. I meet a guy and realy like him and he is all I want. Then I get hurt or just doesn’t work out but I still have needs so I get those needs met. I get asked questions by guys a lot especially male friends who are betas and would really like to behave like I do.
These are the guys who find themselves in these situations. And I am not a good one to ask about what I think, I won’t tell you what you want to here or you’ll completely disregard what I say. Then don’t ask me. The funny thing is that I am right 98% of the time and they come back after the shit hits the fan asking me what the hell happened.
mysterycoach
/ April 18, 20126 weeks to 6 months up to a yr., to really see if someone is for you. Sometimes it’s faster, but usually personality things start coming up and out (if you can bite down on the smitten I want to throw them on the floor phase) you’ll start seeing if you really like them as they stand. Their nature, who they are, if their actions mirror their words. … S’totally true.
tycurious
/ April 17, 2012I think at the moment your friend is feeling very needed (something men love) and because of that he is blinded to everything else. My bet is as soon as he becomes unblinded he will see the neediness and bail…. Fast
PostModernSingle
/ April 17, 2012I think it’s the same as women saying they want a nice guy and continually falling for the bad boys. What you know is good for you and what you know you should want doesn’t always translate into what you fall for.
But yes. It pisses me off too.
trjensen
/ April 17, 2012This is behavior you see in women and we are labeled for it. Clearly men are just as guilty of being flacky and not knowing what they want.
Averil
/ April 17, 2012Do post an update when the penny drops and your friend sees the light (and he will). Oh these crazy-assed things don’t last. She isn’t just moving too fast, she seems to be everywhere… and men do tend to get swept away by the attention until their rabbit gets cooked (err… anyone remembers Fatal Attraction?)
trjensen
/ April 18, 2012UPDATE!!!!!
I spoke to my friend this evening and I asked how things were going with Cuckoo Bananas. He said they were intense and plenty of people have suggested that this situation seems a little much. He told me he asked her to stop telling him she loved him which she has been doing since day four. I thought finally he was coming to his senses then he told me he is moving in with her at the end of the month. I told him he was crazy.
The Wandering Mind
/ April 18, 2012Say what!? Why on Earth are they moving in together after being together for less than a month?
trjensen
/ April 18, 2012Because crazy is apparently contagious…
The Drunk Archer
/ April 23, 2012mehn!!! if this was in my country i’ll say this guy has being jazzed properly!