I have been looking for a relationship for a long time (three fucking years!) I am picky as fuck and I know when I want to give someone a shot. That doesn’t happen very often. I often try to explain to people that I know when I know. In the past couple of years, I have actually wanted something significant with someone twice.
I get a lot of male attention. I am cute and I am not typically shy when meeting someone. I also know I am fucking awesome and that kind of confidence attracts attention. Because of this I have men say things or approach me pretty often. When I am with someone or interested in a guy that becomes an issue so when I start explaining to men that I have a hard time finding someone to date or develop a relationship with the response is almost textbook. “Bullshit, guys show interest in you all the time.”
Here is the thing… Just because a guy flirts with or asks me out doesn’t mean I am interested in him. If I am uncertain I have a hard time justifying spending time with someone. Just because someone expresses interest in me, even someone I acknowledge is attractive, doesn’t mean I want to date them. When guys say I have plenty of options it makes me want to kick them in the balls. Just because someone finds me attractive or pays attention to me doesn’t mean I have to act on it. It is actually kind of offensive. What does that say about my male friends’ opinion of me or women in general?
That logic reminds of the same annoying misconception straight men have about my gay men. Just because a man is attracted to other men doesn’t mean he is interested in you. It isn’t some deviant promiscuous trait that indicates that because you have a penis he is going to hit on you or wants you. Attraction and mutual interest have to be present. It is ridiculously faulty logic.
I have no desire to be with someone simply because he wants to be with me. That’ll make for healthy, mutually happy relationship. I would never date someone just because they find me attractive and the implication that it is that simple to secure a partner really pisses me off. I have been hearing this a lot lately and all I have to say in response is “Fuck you!” Nothing is that simple.
loveinfairytaleland
/ May 23, 2012I completely understand. I was just in a situation with someone who assumed because I wanted to be in a relationship, that I wanted to be in a relationship with them. That’s not necessarily the case. Guys are not God’s gift to women.
trjensen
/ May 23, 2012It isn’t an anything will do situation. It is your life. Why would you just pick anyone?
loveinfairytaleland
/ May 24, 2012Exactly.
Pink Ninjabi
/ May 23, 2012Love this post! I totally agree. I want to b*tch slap some of my girlfriends sometimes too for saying the same. As if I can just pick a guy off the aisle, ring him at the counter, and take him home with me. Instructions included. EEEK! It’s what got me divorced in the first place. You can’t just pick a guy, you have to be picky when it comes to guys. They come in all sorts of behaviors and moods. The key is one you can trust. Try finding that in Aisle 6.
Pink.
trjensen
/ May 23, 2012I know when I want to give up my time. Sometimes I am still wrong but I have to want to try and because some guy tells me I am pretty at the park doesn’t mean I am going to go have dinner with him even if he asked. The truth is I would much rather have a dude start a conversation and tell me I am funny or smart. Superficial compliments are great for my ego but they aren’t going to make me consider you as more.
Pink Ninjabi
/ June 15, 2012Absolutely! I totally agree! Like when a guy knows NOTHING about my psychotic tendencies but glazes over this with pretty is perfect. URGHH!! Yeah, meh.
Pink.
trjensen
/ June 15, 2012The last guy I dated, when shit fell apart, told me I could have a boyfriend in a snap because so many men liked me… I told him it isn’t that easy. Just because someone thinks I am attractive doesn’t mean that I am attracted or interested in him. I told him I was having trouble finding a boyfriend and he said I was smoking crack.
Pink Ninjabi
/ June 15, 2012What a douche bag! Geez.. Just because bees are attracted to honey doesn’t mean we like the swarm.. eesh
trjensen
/ June 15, 2012He was certainly reckless with his words. I definitely wasn’t attracted to him because he thought before he spoke.
trjensen
/ May 23, 2012I think it is also a matter of it bugging guys who feel like they are in line for something that I get attention. What I want to say to them is if you marry the next girl who tells you she thinks your cute then I’ll go on a date with the next guy who tells me I am hot.
Pink Ninjabi
/ May 24, 2012LOLOL!! Tell it like it is! Yeah!
Pink.
dribblingpensioner
/ May 23, 2012Well said, a lot of men think they can treat woman like trash, use them and cast them aside.
trjensen
/ May 23, 2012True and I argued it with a friend the other night and he said if you realize he is just in it for sex then kick him to the curb. I tried to explain that wasn’t my problem. Just because a man expresses interest in me doesn’t mean he is automatically in the running. I hate that it is implied that I should give everyone a shot.
MysteryCoach
/ May 23, 2012Response: Just because they show interest doesn’t mean I’m interested in them. I’m “selective” … now shut the fuck up.
Good? LOL 
Theo Black
/ May 23, 2012Absolutely. You don’t need to get with someone just so you have SOMEONE ANYONE. There is a guy out there who you’ll think is attractive, who also sees the qualities you value in yourself. The only advice here is to increase the odds by circulating in places where guys like that feed or work, if you can.
trjensen
/ May 23, 2012I may be moving to the east coast in July so I will definitely try to figure it out.
Aurora HSP
/ May 31, 2012Reblogged this on AURORA MOREALIST ©2011 ~ Writer and commented:
She’s just not that into you, get it? My friend Terri says it so well… had to share
Ben Naga
/ May 31, 2012So strange that what is so obvious to some should be so unfathomable to others. At times it feels like there are two completely different species on this planet (and I *don’t* mean male as opposed to females either!) There’s “us” – tho’ I don’t know what we could be called, exactly – and the aliens. Sadly, the aliens appear to be in the vast majority.
trjensen
/ May 31, 2012It is odd. I just don’t understand how so many people are willing to be in a relationship just to be in a relationship. At very least their selection process is strange. Their criteria for a partner is just so off. If you say you want something then choose the polar opposite it just makes you dangerous to date in the first place.
BuddhaKat
/ June 1, 2012guys just don’t ever really hear or get it when someone says the word “relationship”… I think it’s completely foreign to their DNA or something…
trjensen
/ June 2, 2012It is all part of that vagina is power thing. Because we have what men want we can “have” a relationship. It is so stupid and demeaning to have it insinuated that because a man shows interetst that if you really want something you completely abandon everything else to get it. I am not that fucking accommodating.