My whole approach to dating since I have decided I am somewhat ready for a full blown relationship has been pretty simple. I tend to be attracted to men who have a glaring void in some aspect of their lives. It doesn’t necessarily imply they have drama, they are just missing something and I feel like I can occupy that space.
This is just part of who I am. I want to take care of people and if I see some area where I can help I am typically going to try to do so. The catch is, as I am learning, not everyone wants or needs help and taking care of, even if I notice something seems to be missing. Actually someone coming into your life and trying to address certain issues can be quite annoying and intrusive. It can also be something someone appreciates initially and takes for granted as a relationship progresses.
I have been trying to occupy a place in someone’s life because I see a place I fit rather than working on the dynamic of myself and my partner as a couple and letting my partner determine where and how I fit into his life. I can’t decide that I want to be in someone’s life in a certain capacity and only build a relationship based solely off that aspect of a man’s life.
If someone doesn’t ask you for help you need to wait until they are willing to accept it. Maybe that isn’t why they are interested in you at all. By overstepping your boundaries you are far more likely to push someone away. I need to focus less on where I can help and more on how I fit in to someone’s life. Just filling a void doesn’t make an instant relationship, even when it is accepted. Working together creates a relationship.
I don’t need to know how and where I fit in when I start to date someone because even if I do meet a specific need everything changes as a couple bonds. I just need to appreciate that someone enjoys spending time with me as much as I enjoy spending time with him.
The Wandering Mind
/ June 15, 2012Filling a void can be like a bandaid solution. Sometimes we don’t need the ones we love to fix us, sometimes we just want them to accept us & let us find the strength & faith to make not only ourselves whole, but to become complete as a couple.
The Sun doesn’t give light to the Moon assuming that the Moon’s going to owe it one, it does it because they’ve found their unity & balance.
You mean well by trying to help someone, but when that becomes your reason for finding someone, it can be a detriment. Like you said it can push them away from you because they don’t want to be seen as “broken” & they don’t want to feel like the only reason you’re around is because you want to nurse them to health. And others will use your willingness to help to further their wants & needs as they see fit.
Help is given to those who help themselves (and may need a hand).
Love is given to those who have a heart that beats for another’s.
“Without you I am completely incomplete.” – Lifehouse
trjensen
/ June 15, 2012I never felt like I was trying to change a man. I think I just wanted to give them someone to lean on. I suppose that is because it is something I want too. But I can see where it could make man feel like I thought they were weak. I never felt that way but it makes sense that I could have made them feel that way.
Davisthedoc
/ June 15, 2012I can relate. It took me a while to notice a similar trend in my relationships. What made it more stealth like was my very subtle approach to doing it. It’s characteristic of the ‘saviour complex’.
trjensen
/ June 15, 2012Exactly. I didn’t feelike I was trying to change anyone. I wanted to help but I think Stephen makes a good point about being made to feel weak. That is never my intention.
lizajack25
/ June 15, 2012Reblogged this on thehuntformrrightnow and commented:
More wise words from The Narcissit’s Blog
trjensen
/ June 15, 2012Thank you!
benzeknees
/ June 15, 2012I’ve often heard it said, you get into a relationship with the person who has the most qualities “you need to work on.” I must have needed to learn how to argue better because I’ve certainly learned that from my hubby!