This time you are really done. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Why would you want to be with someone who makes you feel so bad about yourself? Why would you let someone who is clearly having a negative effect on your life back in?
Sometimes you hold on to something so hard that it becomes like an addiction. Regardless of the health of that relationship, it is often difficult to walk away from something you fought so hard for. You backslide because having something to fight for is better than having nothing. The euphoria of hope sometimes retards the progression of inevitable sadness you feel upon the realizing that nothing between you has changed; that it will never change. You have been locked into your roles for far too long. You both know your parts forwards and backwards. You are typecast.
You often experience a sense of loss, in a relationship, even bad relationships. Sometimes that feeling of emptiness is too much. It clouds your memory of what really happened. You justify wanting to reach out based your rose hued recollection of actual events. You focus on the highlight reel.
When you break up with someone, when you have to cut them out of your life, it often leaves you feeling hurt. But when you feel like you can’t outlast the pain remember it’s going to stop a lot sooner if you use all the strength you used fighting for something bad, to get back to good. Letting the cycle repeat just means it is going to take that much longer for you to heal.
Often times the pain you experience after the end is more significant. Those lessons teach us about our strength and perseverance. That time teaches us what we need to know so that we can really love ourselves. It is okay to miss the people you love. How they felt doesn’t matter. You felt something good and often you did it in bad circumstances. That is a positive testament your character and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.
Now you need to give that love to yourself because you need it more than anyone else. You deserve it more than anyone else. You can get past the pain, back to a place where you will want something good for you because you know you deserve it.