I suppose you all are wondering how my blind dates went, right? I know you are because what else could you possibly have to do besides worry about my personal life. I am kidding of course but I am pretty sure you were still probably wondering just a little bit. It is hard not to become slightly invested in the lives of those who are so willing to overshare. I know this because you bastards have tricked me into being just as invested in your lives. *Waves fist at computer screen.
Surely I haven’t been blogging because I have been so busy having crazy monkey sex with virtual strangers. That is after all one of my favorite pass times. (Really it is. If this comes as a surprise to you, you should go back and read some posts from this time last year.) Surely there is a reason that doesn’t have anything to do with a surprise non-payment of an internet bill and the drama and stress of having guests here for the holidays.
The truth is I have not gone on said blind dates because I am a big chicken shit wuss. I also haven’t had sex in six fucking months because the idea of having sex just to have sex sounds about as appealing to me as having my pubic area waxed one hair at a time. I just can’t bring myself to even fain charm or wit.
Before you go getting all misty eyed and proud of me for being all grown up let me assure you that emotional growth has nothing to do with either of these choices. I have not gone said blind dates for several reasons. The primary reason being, I have absolutely no faith in my casual acquaintances and coworkers’ ability to find me a tolerable dinner (let alone sexual) companion. This is followed closely by my lack of enthusiasm about dating a man “my age.” Age in my estimation is relative and I have no desire to date someone in their late thirties or forties. I do not have my shit together in many areas and while I am striving to mature emotionally I still feel stunted in many aspects. I am attracted to younger men (not Extreme Cougar status) and I enjoy dating guys who are still peak physical specimens. The other issue is that in my community I am what the men in these parts would refer to as a liberal, feminist transplant. This is not appealing to me or perspective dates.
I have had at least two opportunities to have sex with past partners, of both genders and passed both up this month. Recycling just isn’t something I have any interest in doing and the idea of putting in what could be a considerable amount of work(training) to establish a long term FWB situation isn’t something I can muster the energy to do. I refer again to the long and arduous process that would be the most painful, interminable Brazilian ever.
I know I am probably still scared given my gross lapse in judgment and colossal display of poor self-respect that was Guy with the Smile but I also need to just get past it and fucking date already. I need to get my shit together. The longer I go without dating the more cynical and pissy I become when someone actually expresses interest in me. I don’t like being a giant douche- baggy, snotty girl who can’t get laid because her personality just sucks. I want to have fun and socialize and I definitely want to be having sex with someone other than myself. Six months seems so long (and yes this is coming from the girl who abstained for thirteen years.)
Something has to change before I become some old shrew, spinster librarian. Oh yeah! That is already happening.1
1This isn’t even a possibility. This could never and will never happen. I am attempting to be self-deprecating.
Le Clown
/ January 7, 2013The Narcissist,
My first idea was to ask you what was that “sex” you were referring to…. But then I thought: How will I explain my kids the day they ask me how they were made… And then I thought: stork, cabbage patch… And then I thought these stories weren’t really nice for the Children of the Disappeared. I took a minute to think about my comment by looking outside, and I saw a squirrel playing with nuts, and then I laughed, as that squirrel seemed to be enjoying playing with nuts, and I thought: I should let the Narcissist know that even squirrels enjoy nuts. True story.
Le Clown
trjensen
/ January 7, 2013See! Even squirrels… smh! I suppose I should find some nuts of my own.
Cakes McCain
/ January 7, 2013We’re rowing in the same boat, hun. I don’t even consider futile one-nighters anymore. It’s really f’cking hard being in a social coma.
All the VERY best to you in 2013! You deserve it. xoxoxox
trjensen
/ January 9, 2013Thank you Cakes. You do too.
luv2sex.info
/ January 7, 2013Hope that in the course of time, you will meet someone who has ‘chemistry’ with you!
trjensen
/ January 9, 2013Chemistry has never been an issue.
Kay BeeBee
/ January 8, 2013Aw … Get out there girlie … Abstinence is just not healthy x
trjensen
/ January 9, 2013It is frustrating but sometimes men arent healthy either.
Aurora HSP
/ January 8, 2013I hear you. It’s a hard tide to ride but I understand your trepidation. I am in the same place. Just don’t want all the damn graph spiking emotional high jacking so I avoid men. For now. At least I know what to expect from myself, I won’t let myself down with another BS lie or con job to what I think a relationship but get dumped as soon as the sex happens. Happened twice, one after 3 months we had sex, thought we were together for 9 months after but he was prowling the whole time I later learned. Also met a guy who said I was the woman of his dreams, did all the right things, introduced me to his friends, we all had such great fun and being a musician in his spare time -damn good on piano and keyboards and sang love songs in person, on the phone etc – didn’t look like much but I thought he was “the one.” Then we had sex. 3 times. And he was all done with me. Poof. Just like that. I wanted to be a nun when I was a teenager, I’m not cut out for all this player schmoozing BS, maybe I should have run with my first inclination, lol. Much love and much better luck wished your way, T xo
trjensen
/ January 13, 2013It was often joked about that I could have been a nun when I was younger if I didn’t cuss so much. I’ll be ready when I’m ready. I get plenty of attention when I am in social groups. I just feel sorta annoyed by it. I have to lighten up and just get past it. I will get there. I just need to make myself and I hate feeling like I have to force myself but it happens. Waiting for it to come back may result in my being alone for eternity.
Aurora HSP
/ January 13, 2013Well said, Teri, much love always xo
trjensen
/ January 15, 2013You too!
Aurora HSP
/ January 15, 2013Pink Ninjabi
/ January 8, 2013You’re absolutely incredible and I totally get it as it has been a long time and I’m way to chicken wuss to even venture there. Good for you for calling yourself on it! That takes such guts, the only way to glory, even if it means only finding yourself and how you feel at the end of it. And we totally are invested in your personal life with oversharing being one of your most positive traits
Why, how else will we live vicariously through you without your details of what we deny ourselves at times, in our very own lives. Our mirror. 
Keep on writing!
We need something to pass the time as we lament on the lack of men who understand us out there comments.
Pink.
trjensen
/ January 9, 2013I appreciate all of your support. It means so much to me to have the support of my peers. I just had to set reset and gather my energy. Thank you for continuing to be supportive my dear.
Pink Ninjabi
/ January 10, 2013Reset. Love that word! I think each new year reminds us to do this. Always my support. Always!!
nancyelauzon
/ January 10, 2013It’s natural for you to be gun shy, but I hope you take a leap of faith when you feel you’re ready. I totally get you wanting to date young, excellent specimens of manhood, but I have found (about 1,000 years ago, when dinos roamed the earth and I was dating) that the really fabulous looking ones were a little lacking in the brains and personailty and character department. And don’t give up on your age group, either. Think of all the Hollywood hunks that have a few years under their belt but are still easy on the eyes. There probably aren’t a lot of them wandering around your town, but you never know
trjensen
/ January 13, 2013I don’t mind not so bright, oddly. Maybe not oddly. I mind insensitive and egomanical. I guess I am just really waiting until I am interested in someone. The alternative is not appealing to me at all. But I haven’t met anyone really. Doing that might increase my odds. LOL!