Sexting for Dummies: Recap

Okay class; let’s recap what we’ve learned so far.

Lesson Summaries

  • Don’t send naked pictures of yourself to anyone who seems to struggle with technology.  It’s like laughing in the face of fate yelling, “I dare you to post pictures of my naked self on the internet.” It may have been an accident that your boobs/dick/vag/ass wound up on Facebook but now they’re there and not everyone has an understanding ex who’ll take them down, restoring peace and serenity to the world of cybersex.
  • sl 3Don’t, no matter how hot you know you are, send identifiable pictures of yourself to anyone unless you are trying to make some money.  If you think your body is that amazing and don’t give a shit who sees it, you should be making some money off of your hotness.
  • Don’t keep naked pictures of yourself on your phone.  Take a picture, send it then delete it. It isn’t that difficult to take more. Keeping a stash of nudie pics of yourself on your phone makes you seem conceited, kind of slutty (that goes for men and women) and/or lazy.
  • Personal pet peeve: Put your dirty pictures in a folder that is easily accessible to you but not interspersed with pictures of your children.  That is just gross and weird and GROSS!

sl 33Now that we’ve got the common sense portion of the class out of the way, I want to share a little bit of insight. I’ve learned some things not necessarily related to the dangers of sexting. Here’s what I’ve learned from gaining access to a guy’s cell phone pictures.

What I’ve learned from this Experience

  1. You know how a man will tell you your body is amazing and he doesn’t care what it looks like… Based on what I saw, that is absolutely 100% true.  A naked woman is a naked woman.  Men truly don’t give a shit.  If they are attracted to you or want to sleep with you then how you feel about your body is moot. They want it.
  2. Getting pissed off or insulted because you know you are hotter than the chick your ex is dating now is a waste of time. Why?  Refer to the above lesson.
  3. Think twice before sending a picture of yourself to someone you aren’t in a relationship with and even then think about what that person is capable of. I know a girl who’s ex-boyfriend (and father of her children) posted craigslist ads in casual encounters, using her number and naked pictures of her, after they broke up. Fucking twat!

I don’t think there is anything wrong with sending pictures to your partner.  It is fun sl.jpgand sexy but shit happens and that shit is in the virtual world forever.  With apps like Dropbox and cellphone providers constantly backing up your media as part of your regular service those pictures are somewhere in the virtual world forever.

Just be careful and conscious of what can happen because it may just be an accident but odds are the intended recipient of that picture isn’t the only one who’ll see it. You have got to protect you!

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by trjensen on May 15, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by trjensen on May 15, 2013

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Sexting for Dummies: Organization is Key

“I guess maybe this is just me. I am really organized. Why can’t you put that shit in a folder?  I don’t want to pour through fifty pictures of my kids to find a picture of a vagina.”

It struck me as odd, while I was helping a “friend” who had accidentally posted very private pictures stored on his phone to a social networking site, that all of his photos were all in the same place.  I found myself mumbling things like, “Kiddo, kiddo, org 3.psdorangutan tits” as I searched for the dirty pictures that were intermixed with a thousand family pictures.  I had to really inspect tiny thumbnail photos, open each one and confirm that I was looking at what I thought I was looking at.

If I had collection of dirty pictures on my phone and I just couldn’t bear to part with them for whatever reason; if I hadn’t yet inadvertently posted all of those photos on the internet, I would probably want to keep them in a folder.  I would want to put them in a specific place so I could go right to the pictures I was looking for and do whatever it was I was planning to do.  I wouldn’t want to have to scan through a bunch of family photos to find a naked picture of myself or anyone else.

org 35.psdIt seems like looking at bunch of pictures of my children and family right before I rubbed one out or attempted to engage another person via cellphone would kinda’ be a mood killer. The whole setup seems counterproductive.  Having pictures of my son next to pictures of other men’s penises is just… It grosses me the fuck out.  It just grosses me out. The idea of it has left me with an “I smell poop” face as I am writing this.

I am fully aware that I am neurotic and a little OCD when it comes to organization but it isn’t that hard to create a folder and save your “me time” pictures somewhere where pictures of your mom and kids aren’t.  (Oedipus… yuck, yuck, yuck!)

So…

org 4Rules of Cell Porn Organization

  1. Create a folder for all your porn. If you don’t know how, follow the instructions. Android, Windows, iOS
  2. Give the folder a name that would discourage snooping, something like… “Meat Packing Plant Tour.”
  3. If at all possible (and apparently it isn’t always possible) delete the fucking pictures when you are done with them.  You don’t need a naked picture of every person you’ve ever dated.  That is just sad and seems a little clingy if you ask me.

The rules are simple. If you just can’t seem to get rid of the photos at least try to make them easier to access and hid put them someplace where your vanilla pictures aren’t.  It is really unsettling to scan through pictures of kids and come across a picture of a butthole. (Not an ass just the orifice. It was a weird. )

Game time: What would you title a folder of dirty pictures that you think would detour people from looking in it?

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by trjensen on May 14, 2013  •  Permalink
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Sexting for Dummies: You’re So Vain

“If you would have told me a year ago, that I’d ever get seek of seeing that man’s penis, I would have laughed at you. It turns out I saw his cock waaaay too many times today. There were so many pictures of it.  Why were their so many?”

We’ve already covered why sending pictures to the technically challenged is a bad idea.  We’ve discussed why you shouldn’t give a face to your dick/boobs/vagina/ass on the interwebs.

vain2Today’s lesson is just as simple and demonstrates the same colossal lack of common sense as your two prior lessons.  Don’t keep naked pictures of yourself on your phone.  Even if you did manage to keep your face out of the picture (and in the instance I am referencing that wasn’t the case), why would you have roughly twenty photos of yourself naked on your phone.  (The strip tease was really effective, by the way).   It isn’t that difficult to take off your shirt/blouse and/or drop your pants and snap a picture is it? It isn’t necessary to keep a catalog of nudie pics of yourself on your phone unless that’s all you do all day long.

vain4If all you do is send naked pictures of yourself to people then maybe you should have stock pile.  Just put them in a folder and name it my colonoscopy, that way no one will decide that’s the folder they want to snoop through when someone gets their hands on your cellphone.

Aside from trying to secure your career as professional escort/gigolo there is no reason you should ever keep naked pictures of yourself on your phone.  If someone else sees them they will assume you are

A.) Constantly sending out pictures of your junk

or…

B.) Obsessed with yourself or at least certain parts of your anatomy.

vain1(And this is coming from a woman who is completely obsessed with herself.) Either would be entirely unbecoming.  You don’t need to keep naked pictures of yourself and I personally wouldn’t want to.  I would just keep looking at them being all judgey and hypercritical of myself and I work out constantly.  Just t ake the picture, send it and delete it.  Your face shouldn’t be in it so it isn’t like it is a really good or bad picture; it’s just a picture of your dick/boobs/va-jay-jay.

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by trjensen on May 13, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by trjensen on May 13, 2013

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25 Things about Me: This is 40 Edition

In honor of my 40th birthday, which is today,  I decided to do an updated “Things about Me” post (ever evolving and growing as I am). So… I would like to briefly interrupt my continued posts, Sexting for Dummies (It’ll be back Monday) and share where my head is on this, my milestone birthday.Invite Cover

  1. I am completely cool and comfortable with the fact that I am now 40.
  2. My son assured me I wouldn’t be old until I was 45.
  3. My ex told me I wouldn’t be old until I was 50.
  4. I have always felt like I was 24.
  5. I rather be told I am funny or smart than I am pretty.  (I love being told I am pretty too, though).
  6. I still like younger men.
  7. I want a dog.
  8. Do 120+ crunches every day.
  9. I run three miles and walk at least three.
  10. I try to do yoga every day.
  11. I’ve started eating meat occasionally.
  12. If I stay here I may be single forever.
  13. I haven’t had sex in 10 months.
  14. I really miss Portland.
  15. I am looking for my own place.  A real place.
  16. I love my job but I need more hours.
  17. I would really like to start dating again but I haven’t met one viable candidate.
  18. I had pregnancy scare last September.
  19. I have no desire to have another child.
  20. A 73 year old patron at my work has a crush on me.
  21. That grosses me out.
  22. I’ve decided I really don’t like the last two guys I dated.
  23. I love making people laugh.
  24. I need a vacation.
  25. I haven’t peaked yet.

Bonus Fact!!!! I have guest post up over at Black Box Warnings today! You should go check it out, too.

8 Comments
by trjensen on May 10, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by trjensen on May 10, 2013

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Sexting for Dummies: I’ve Seen Your Tits

neck down 1“Who does that?” I asked my friend, Cheryl.  “Who sends naked pictures of themselves, face and all to someone via text? Shit happens! Someone else could see those pictures. Shit! I saw those pictures and aside from wishing I could bleach my eyes, I write about the ins and outs dating for a living. This whole ordeal isn’t going to stop here.  There is just way too much to say about it. I have material for a month but… it is just common fucking sense, right?”  Cheryl was driving and laughing so hard that I was certain she was going to crash the car she was driving. I chuckled and she just shrugged.  “You could have refused to help him,” she responded. “Nah, I had to help.  I wouldn’t want that to happen to anyone.” I finally said.

As most of you know, I recently gained access to all of the photos on a single, actively dating guy’s cell phone.  I didn’t ask to see the pictures on his phone.  A guy I used to date, used to want to live with, had unintentionally uploaded every picture from his cellphone to his Facebook account and couldn’t figure out how to erase them.  So he employed my help doing the later.

If you accidently upload all the pictures of every woman you’ve fucked or tried to fuck, wouldn’t you call the woman whose heart you broke, your relationship, dating and sex writer, former love interest to take off the pictures?  I wouldn’t either but that’s what happened.  I dare say my former partner doesn’t have many friends who could have figured out how to get rid of those pictures or wouldn’t have had more to say to him than, “Delete those pictures off your phone dummy,” when all was said and done.

neck down 3So one beautiful sunny day at the library, I found myself perusing through way too many pictures of naked women who had sent pictures to a technically challenged, simple man who had unintentionally uploaded all of their pictures to a social network and called the only girl he knew with a fan base to remedy the situation.  Did he mean any harm? Of course not! He was upset and a little terrified that these women might see each other in the twenty minutes it took me to delete them.  But shit happens!  For a brief period of time those private pictures weren’t private.

It doesn’t seem like such a big deal really.  I’ve sent naughty pictures to a guy or two.  I don’t do it often and never outside a relationship but I have done it.  I’ve never really been worried about it.

Now you may be wondering why I didn’t worry about it and why implying these women in these photos should have been worried about it. It is pretty fucking simple I wouldn’t send a picture in which I could be easily identified by anyone else who might see the picture.

Today’s Sexting for Dummies Lesson…

neck down 2If you are going to send naked photos of yourself to someone virtually don’t take pictures that include your face! For Fuck’s Sake!  That seems like it should be common sense.  Odds are the dude you sent the picture to is going to say, “Look at this chick’s awesome rack to a friend and show it to a friend/his brother/the dude he just did a shot next to at the bar and everyone knows exactly whose tits they are because your fucking face is in the picture.  I now have a fantasy about visiting my ex, just so, on the off chance I might get to meet any of you (60% of those photos were full body pictures of about ten different women) I can say, “Nice to meet you blah, blah. I’ve seen your tits and your vag.”

neck downUnless you are getting paid for nude pictures of yourself (and I would have gladly paid most of the women I saw naked to keep their clothes on) don’t include your face in the picture.  Odds are the dude you sent it to couldn’t care less about whose face was attached to that body.  You also get the added bonus of not being recognized or talked about by everyone who ever saw those pictures.

In short, I have no issues with sending dirty pictures.  It can be fun and build up tension when you aren’t near each other.  Just don’t include your face.  Because you included your face in that picture, I know I saw YOU naked and it was pretty gross.  I really want to bleach my eyes… that shit would hurt.

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by trjensen on May 9, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by trjensen on May 9, 2013

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Sexting for Dummies: If You Send a Dumbass a Picture…

One beautiful afternoon I stood in the library where I work staring at the large stack of books I had to shelve, trying to determine how many of them I could efficiently carry without dropping them. I had let the pile build up and it was definitely going to take a while to get them all put back on the shelves where they belonged.  I had just finished sorting them by section before scooping up as many as I could.  As I struggled to maintain control of the books I was now cradling in my arms my cell phone rang in my pocket.

“Well shit!” I growled.  My phone seldom rings these days and I was sure it was my friend Jan.  She’d been having one of those days where everything that could go wrong did. She’d been feeling pretty sensitive about the whole ordeal and I felt bad because I could relate.  I’d had string of bad days too. I struggled to set down the stack of books I had just managed to balance safely in my arms.  I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw that it wasn’t Jan. It was the last guy I dated seriously.  We don’t speak very often.  He normally only calls when he needs me to troubleshoot a problem for him or he is shit-faced at three in the morning (those calls I don’t answer). Given the fact that he was calling in the middle of the day I assumed it was the former and I was a little irked that I had stopped what I was doing to check my phone.

Me: Hello?

Him: Hi. Are you at home?

Me: Nope. I’m at work.

Him: Fuck!!!! Fuck!

Me: Why? What’s up?

Him: All the pictures on my phone uploaded to my Facebook page.  I was trying to post two pictures of my boys on my page and it uploaded all of them.  I can’t get them off.

sext1I know he has some porn pictures on his phone.  He always does.  He uses them when he needs a release. He doesn’t use the computer because he has kids and one click on the history button and his midgets would get an education they didn’t need.  I smiled a little because I found his predicament wildly amusing.

Him: I can’t get them off.  I don’t know how to delete them and I don’t want anyone (whoever he was sleeping with) to see them.

Me: How’d you manage to do that?

Him: My phone just did it and I can’t get them off.  Can you get on a computer and delete them?

Me: I‘m at work at a public fucking library. You want me to get on a computer and delete your porn?  I can’t do that at work.

Him: Fuck! I don’t want [my baby momma] to see them.  I don’t want her to be pissed at me.

While trying to suppress my laughter, I was frantically trying to figure out a way I could help him.  Sure he was an insensitive idiot but it wasn’t a situation I would enjoy being in. Sometimes we perverts have to stick together. All my young patrons had just got out of school and there was no way I could just hop onto Facebook and get rid of the pictures. I didn’t have to help him but I also didn’t want this to affect his relationship with his family.  It was just more good karma for me.

Me: What’s your password? I’ll try and do it from my phone.

Him: Thank you, Teri! Thank you!

Me: Uh huh…

He gave me his password. I shelved the heaping pile of books I set down moments earlier then returned to my desk and logged in to his account.  I was not prepared for what I found.  I went into his pictures and found the stuff he had uploaded.  I won’t go into detail just yet because I intend to write a series of educational posts based on what I saw.  Clearly people need to be educated. My best summation is that 90% percent of the nude pictures on his phone weren’t pictures he found on porn sites.  They were pictures meant just for him. There were over a hundred of them and I had to delete them one by one.  It took me way more time than I had any desire to spend on it.

sexting-on-iphone-with-bgAlthough I was amused by the whole thing I cringed each time I had to expand a picture to delete it.  “Good karma, Teri.” I reminded myself. Every minute or so he’d text me and ask if I’d done it.  I just ignored him until I was finished.  I was sufficiently grossed out by the whole experience but it sure put some things in perspective.  I may have been feeling bad but at least I didn’t post a ton of pictures of naked women on my Facebook page.  At least I didn’t have to rely on the kindness of my former partner to take them down because she is the only person who would do it.

When I finally finished deleting roughly one hundred and sixty pictures, I text him and said, “Delete those pictures off your phone, dummy.”  I haven’t heard from him since.  I promptly called my friend Jan and made her feel a whole lot better about her day.

Note to Mark Zuckerberg: You should really work on developing a tool that allows you to delete multiple photos on Facebook from your phone. I can do it on Instagram… Facebook should get with program.

Daily Funny…

sext funny

30 Comments
by trjensen on May 8, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by trjensen on May 8, 2013

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So You Had a Bad Day

So You Had a Bad Day

I’ve been in a serious funk lately.  It isn’t any one particular thing but I have just been present and not present at the same time.  Long story short, I have been walking the “iffy line” for some time now.  This is due in large part to the fact that I don’t have insurance.  I don’t have any extra income and as a result I had to go off my antidepressants cold turkey about a month and a half ago.

I’ve suffered from anxiety and very degrees of depression most of my life. I was diagnosed with ulcers at the age of eleven.  I was tested for various disorders (ADHD, autism…) at a very young age because I always seemed stressed and anxious. I learned to cope, as best I could, with the roller coaster of emotions that guided my life. I didn’t really think about it because it was how I always felt.

In my late teen’s I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication for the first time.  I was having terrible anxiety dreams that would affect many subsequent days of my life.  I would become on edge, emotional and withdrawn for days or weeks at a time.  And each time it would finally subside I would be bombarded with a new round of triggers. The cycle became worse until finally it was discussed with my doctor who thought meds might help.

I hated and loved anti-anxiety medication.  It helped with the panic and seemingly irrational stress I was experiencing.  My mood regulated because I just didn’t really have any strong feelings about anything at all.  Unfortunately I was still feeling very alienated and isolated myself from the world.  After several months of locking myself away from the world, my anxiety seemed under control but it had turned into full blown depression.  I was lonely but had no desire to interact with anyone.  I just didn’t want to do anything.  Having been the primary caregiver for my mother and grandmother, who both needed some level of care for as long as I can remember; locking myself away and sleeping through my pain wasn’t a viable option.  I stopped taking the medication.  I had to help and I just wasn’t doing that.

I had lived my entire life without medication and I had been getting by.  I still worried about everything.  I still had dreams and incidents that would set my heart racing and my mind into chaos for days but I dealt with it.  I took care of my mother, grandmother and not soon after, my son.  Having something to do helped me stay focused. For years I just did what needed to be done.

I have always been very focused when something needs to be done.  I set myself a task and the world just falls away. This also made me feel very lonely.  My depression intensified but I still managed to do what I needed to do.  I get shit done.  I always have although I experience a great deal of personal pressure constantly.

In my early twenties I was prescribed an antidepressant for the first time.  I was trying to quit smoking and the doctor suggested I try a medication to aid me.  I quit smoking for almost three years but I hated the medication.  I stopped taking it after about six months.  It didn’t seem to improve my emotional imbalance at all and it intensified my anxiety about a ten times over.

About three years ago I decided I wanted to change some things about myself.  I was sick of being unhappy.  I was sick of being negative.  I was sick of not caring about myself.  I made a list and changed a lot of the things that I felt needed fixing.  I decided it was time to use all the crazy focus and drive to help me.  I made list and went to work on making myself better.  I changed my diet, lost weight, created a blog to document my progress and I started dating after a thirteen year hiatus.  As I began to see myself differently I realized that those feelings and stresses I couldn’t ever really accredit to one thing or another were things I needed to talk to someone about.

The day I went to talk to my doctor about my depression and anxiety was the scariest day of my life.  Since I had started my transformation, I had been seeing my doctor on a fairly regular basis.  He was incredibly supportive and saw me at least once a month to discuss what I was doing and monitor my progress.  He was so thrilled by the great strides I was making that he really made a point to support me as much as he could.

We had a long talk about what exactly I was feeling and which medication might help with my forward progress.  He prescribed me a medication.  It changed my life.  I often wonder how different my childhood would have been, my adult life would have been if I had only been honest about what I felt a long time ago.  That may be the closest thing to regret I feel about any decision in my life.

Right now, I am having flashbacks of what I experienced in my youth.  I have been trying to get by again. The anxiety dreams, the panic attacks, the roller coaster emotions and the damn numbness…  I can’t imagine how I ever made it 30+ years feeling the way I do now along with the death of two parents before my twenty-first birthday, teen pregnancy and abuse.  I’ve always been strong and I know that.  I appreciate that I have grown from my experiences but I just don’t know how I did it.  I don’t want to have to do it again.

I am seeing a doctor in two weeks but I wanted to explain my absence.  I am feeling very raw about everything at the moment and I just haven’t felt like doing anything.  I’ll be forty in a week (and a day) and I am looking forward to my party.  I have been trying to spend time with friends and just busy myself.    I hate not being here but I love you all and I swear I’ll be back really soon.

…and today is good day. :)

XOXO

The Narcissist

 

25 Comments
by trjensen on May 2, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by trjensen on May 2, 2013

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No, Your Internet Boyfriend is not Your Boyfriend

fightI was sitting with a friend the other day while she was watching one of those horrible train wreck talk shows.  One of the “You are not the father!” variety.  I, personally, would rather set my face on fire than watch folks from the shallow end of the gene pool discuss their very private (and humiliating) problems publically. This of course will likely be the sole highlight of their lives and that I find exceedingly sad and pathetic but different strokes for different folks.  I was stuck watching a group of woman discussing prison dating sites and how wonderfully in love they were with the men they had met. They were all waiting or praying for the day when their thief/rapist/murder true love would be released from prison so they could be together at long last.

let meAs colossally stupid and naïve as I found these women it got me thinking about internet relationships in general.  It got me thinking about the men in the blogosphere who try to con women into committing to someone they have never met.  It got me thinking about “catfish.”  I am cynical about online dating anyway.  Although I am a pretty optimistic woman I don’t trust anyone who would try to woo a woman (or man) into an online relationship.  Dating via the internet is a strange enough idea to me but having an online boyfriend/girlfriend is just about the dumbest fucking thing I could ever fathom.

catfishI understand that online relationships are a great way for the socially awkward, devious and incredulous to exploit one another’s loneliness. It can be a pretty lucrative racket if you could look yourself in the mirror whilst being a complete douchebag.

The thing that gets me about it is that people will openly discuss these situations like they are real relationships.  If you meet someone online, someone you may never meet in real life and will never move forward with, you are not in a relationship.  This person is not your significant other.  Odds are they have about five hundred other “relationships” going at the same time.  Odds are they have a real life and a real boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife and are preying on your naiveté.  These situations are perfect opportunities for deceit.

I know women who have online relationships and discuss them as though they have a real boyfriend and an honest to goodness relationship with said individual.  Listening to these stories is embarrassing to me so I don’t understand how someone could convince themselves that this is totally real.

boyfriend-arm-pillowWhat it all boils down to is poor self-esteem and undervaluing what you deserve.  If this scenario were a real relationship them you would be together. No amount of self-delusion could justify the situation you are in. people who love each other and want to be together find a way to do so.  You are in no way shape or form in a relationship.  You are talking to someone online who has a use for you.  It may be ego. It may be financial. But it isn’t a relationship.

HappyBlogiversaryAnd don’t forget about my Annual Blogiversary Contest and your opportunity to win some really cool prizes.  You can find out all the details here.  I look forward to seeing what you come up with.  Good luck!

7 Comments
by trjensen on April 17, 2013  •  Permalink
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Posted by trjensen on April 17, 2013

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The Narcissist’s Blogiversary Contest!

HappyBlogiversaryIn honor of my second blogiversary I am giving you the opportunity to win another amazing t-shirt from Lonely Dinosaur, a local Portland t-shirt company that I absolutely love and an additional opportunity to win a bitchin’ pair of socks from Sock It to Me, another Portland company I adore. The individual designs of the prizes will be of my choosing and I promise you will absolutely love!

How do you win these awesome prizes you might ask?

How do I get the Narcissist to buy me a present?

For the T-shirt

This contest will be all about showing your favorite Narcissist some love and helping spread the word of my awesomeness in the process. All you have to do is create a meme that you feel sums up my blog and/or what you love about the Narcissist. You’ll simply use one of the provided graphics to create a meme that exemplifies my awesomeness!

meme 1 meme 2 meme 3

It is just that easy breezy. Caption one of the provided photos along with my blog’s web address. If you would like to use a meme generator you can find a fairly hassle free one here.

For the Socks

Help me promote this contest. You can promote it wherever you like… on facebook or twitter… wherever. All you need to do is send me a link showing you have tried to help spread the word about my awesome blog and this equally awesome contest and I will choose a winner.
I am super excited to have this opportunity to celebrate this milestone with you. So have fun with it. Get ready to kick some ass and celebrate this amazing milestone with me.

Rules

  1. Each participant may enter up to three memes for the contest.
  2. Be sure to email me a copy of your memes (narcissistsblog@gmail.com) so I can share all of your good work on my blog and social media sites.
  3. When promoting this contest and blog be sure to link it to me so I am aware that you are participating.
  4. The contest will take place from 4/15/2013 to 4/30/2013.
  5. Winners will be announced the first week of May.
  6. Have fun!
3 Comments
by trjensen on April 15, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Dating, Life, Me, Relationship, Sex
Tagged , , , , , ,

Posted by trjensen on April 15, 2013

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/15/the-narcissists-blogiversary-contest/

A Rant: A World without Compliments

Maybe it is just me but in my little corner of the world compliments seem to have ceased to exist.  I mean it just doesn’t happen very often.  Me, being who I am, miss being told I look nice, that my outfit looks really great or even that a piece I worked on was amazing.  I once had a friend tell a mutual acquaintance that I was the last person on earth who required any sort of ego padding but I guess, although I agreed with her at the time, I do need to be complimented occasionally.

compliment

Praise comes so rarely that I actually woke up this morning trying to remember the last time someone said something to me that made me feel good.  I remember it clearly.  I had woken up late one Saturday that I had planned to walk to work.  The walk is a little over a mile and I had 45 minutes to get ready and get to work.  I wound up putting my make-up on in the bathroom at the library.  My hair was in a bun and I had taken a shower that lasted all of three minutes.  I felt gross.

Let me tell you about my typical patrons on Saturdays at the library before I get much further. I spend my Saturday mornings with a group of five to twelve kids ranging in age from 5 to 17.  I love those kids (most of them).  I often refer to my Saturday shift as “Daycare Day” at the library.  We read and play games.  I joke with them.  I mediate their squabbles. It is my favorite day to work.

Later that Saturday, when all of the regular kids were present, I was sitting on a sofa reading to one of my favorite five year old patrons when an older boy asked me if I he could take a picture of me.  “Why?” I asked with no small inflection of shock in my voice.  I felt gross and was very aware of the fact that I looked as gross as I felt.  “Because you look great Teri,” the teenager said. “You look marvelous.” His absolute sincerity made me blush.  It was the sweetest thing.  “Maybe you can take my picture on a day when I feel marvelous,” I responded.  “Okay’” he answered and turned his attention back to the computer he’d been working on.  I can’t remember the last time someone else said something even remotely that genuine. Out of the mouths of babes…

I am quick to compliment someone.  I always try to say something nice to someone when I see them.  I try to compliment them or praise something they have done.  I am never dishonest or insincere.  This exercise just helps me see the good in someone rather than focusing on the things I may not like.  It helps me see people in a better light.  I don’t do it with any expectations of reciprocation.  I just feel good about myself and who I am and I want other people to feel the same way.

Lately I have been feeling the strain of the absence of ego padding. It may just be an ego thing but damn if I don’t think it sucks.  Maybe I just miss my friends.  Maybe I am just trolling.  It is just feels like maybe we are headed for place where no one sees anything good in anyone else or just feels too superior to acknowledge it.

Has anyone else noticed this?

 

 

 

21 Comments
by trjensen on April 9, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Me, Things I Can Do Without
Tagged , , , , , ,

Posted by trjensen on April 9, 2013

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/a-rant-a-world-without-compliments/

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