“I guess maybe this is just me. I am really organized. Why can’t you put that shit in a folder? I don’t want to pour through fifty pictures of my kids to find a picture of a vagina.”
It struck me as odd, while I was helping a “friend” who had accidentally posted very private pictures stored on his phone to a social networking site, that all of his photos were all in the same place. I found myself mumbling things like, “Kiddo, kiddo, orangutan tits” as I searched for the dirty pictures that were intermixed with a thousand family pictures. I had to really inspect tiny thumbnail photos, open each one and confirm that I was looking at what I thought I was looking at.
If I had collection of dirty pictures on my phone and I just couldn’t bear to part with them for whatever reason; if I hadn’t yet inadvertently posted all of those photos on the internet, I would probably want to keep them in a folder. I would want to put them in a specific place so I could go right to the pictures I was looking for and do whatever it was I was planning to do. I wouldn’t want to have to scan through a bunch of family photos to find a naked picture of myself or anyone else.
It seems like looking at bunch of pictures of my children and family right before I rubbed one out or attempted to engage another person via cellphone would kinda’ be a mood killer. The whole setup seems counterproductive. Having pictures of my son next to pictures of other men’s penises is just… It grosses me the fuck out. It just grosses me out. The idea of it has left me with an “I smell poop” face as I am writing this.
I am fully aware that I am neurotic and a little OCD when it comes to organization but it isn’t that hard to create a folder and save your “me time” pictures somewhere where pictures of your mom and kids aren’t. (Oedipus… yuck, yuck, yuck!)
- Create a folder for all your porn. If you don’t know how, follow the instructions. Android, Windows, iOS
- Give the folder a name that would discourage snooping, something like… “Meat Packing Plant Tour.”
- If at all possible (and apparently it isn’t always possible) delete the fucking pictures when you are done with them. You don’t need a naked picture of every person you’ve ever dated. That is just sad and seems a little clingy if you ask me.
The rules are simple. If you just can’t seem to get rid of the photos at least try to make them easier to access and hid put them someplace where your vanilla pictures aren’t. It is really unsettling to scan through pictures of kids and come across a picture of a butthole. (Not an ass just the orifice. It was a weird. )
Game time: What would you title a folder of dirty pictures that you think would detour people from looking in it?