All posts tagged life

Ask Me Anything

lazyI have decided that I don’t like  cold weather very much.  To my friends in Canada and the areas surrounding the Great Lakes, I apologize for what will surely sound like silly whining. I often roll my eyes or snidely mumble to myself when I see one of my friends down south complaining about the chill of 50 degree weather. One would assume that I would have nothing better to do than sit and write when the temperature dips below zero but I find that I lack the enthusiasm to do much of anything when it is cold.

I feel I have not been making good use of my time which is an issue that causes me no small amount of anxiety. For the better part of a month I have been watching movies, lazing around, drinking and gaining a very annoying five pounds from lack of activity.  My lack of social life has increased my lack of fun writing material which also causes me some considerable anxiety.

As the devil month of February approaches I am filled with dread of what another sedentary month may do to my energy level, my social life and my comatose mind.  With that being said I would like to extend you one of my biannual calls for help.  If you have topic you would like me to discuss or would like to ask me a question that you wouldn’t mind me publishing here please feel free to do so.  My poor powered-down brain would greatly appreciate the exercise.

Please feel free to contact me via email, on my Facebook fan page, on Twitter or by leaving a comment below.

xoxoxoxo

The Narcissist

27 Comments
by trjensen on January 28, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Dating, Life, Me
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Posted by trjensen on January 28, 2013

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/ask-me-anything/

Day 20: A Quote That Describes Me

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.”Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

This quote embodies everything I feel about what has transpired in my life and how I find my inspiration.  I only found this quote last year but it has been the way I have tried see everything for much of my adult life.  I believe that we grow and can become better even out of the direst of circumstances.  I have been inspired by so many amazing people who have moved forward from tragedy and pain, not harboring animosity but trying to help others find the strength and lessons in their own struggles.

So many of my fellow bloggers have only strengthened my belief that some of the best people have suffered and overcome some terrible obstacles to get to place where than can share and inspire others.  I hope that in some small way I have done the same.

Okay… This one is also fairly accurate.

im-not-saying-shes-a-slut

The 20 Day Challenge is over.  Now I can go back to writing about sex and myself. 

6 Comments
by trjensen on November 30, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Me, Sex
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Posted by trjensen on November 30, 2012

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/30/day-20-a-quote-that-describes-me/

Memes for Me, Me, Me

You voted and I listened. Thanks to everyone for your continued support. I hope you enjoy them! Share them far and wide!

5 Comments
by trjensen on September 12, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Dating, Life, Me, Relationship, Sex
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Posted by trjensen on September 12, 2012

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2012/09/12/memes-for-me-me-me/

Well It Took You Long Enough

Way back in July one of the baddest bitches I know gave me an equally badass award.  It may be one of the coolest and most applicable awards I have ever been bestowed.  I have been meaning to give Bossy Moksie a shout out for a long time because while my dumbass was busy falling in love she is still in her prime, out in the world breaking hearts and documenting it so all the world could live vicariously through her adventures in the sperm pool. In short this Sexy Beast and her blog ROCK COCKS. She saw fit to give recognize me and for a myriad of reasons primarily laziness, I took my sweet ass time excepting this bitchin’ award.   I am truly honored to be recognized (and let’s be honest I haven’t written anything award worthy in quite a while.) But I’d like to thank THE Sexy Beast for honoring me and my blog.

Dr. Horrible’s Blog Award!!!!!!!!

Bad Horse, from “Dr. Horrible”, is a villain you should be afraid of apparently and if you don’t do as he pleases you will be very sorry. I like this horse. We are on the same page.

This award is for the baddest of the bad, who should rule the world! This award laughs in the face of rules! But gives them anyways. That’s how baddass it is.

Rules:

1. You MUST accept, otherwise Bad Horse will be very disappointed. And you will not like him when he is disappointed.

2. You MAY NOT pass this blog award to someone that has already won this award. That means that it can’t go back to the person that gave it to or to anyone else that has already received it.

3. Put the tag on your blog, so that others may recognize your awesomeness and not gift you again.

4. Thank the blogger that gave you the award and link back to them on your blog. Thanks again BM (heehee!) ;P

5. Award as many, or as few, bloggers as you would like. You must give it to at least ONE badass blogger. After that, it’s at your discretion.

I am nominating some bitches who are way cooler than I’ll ever be.

Jen @ Sips of Jen and Tonic

Cakes @ Pasta for One

Lauren @ Viciously Sweet

Silly_g @ Three Months to Forty

DaterofBoys @ How to Date Boys

Lizzie @ Running Naked with Scissors

More than a Blonde @ More than a Blonde

6. Answer these questions:

a) If you ran the world, what would you outlaw immediately? The bans on gay marriage and the idea that government can tell anyone what they can and can’t do with their own bodies.

b) Boxers or briefs? Boxer briefs are sexy as hell.

c) If you made a Nobel speech, who would you thank? There’d be a list primarily composed of the people who helped teach me to be the person I am. (I think many people would be suprised they were getting thanked.)

Done and Done.  Congrats to the new winners.  I love you all but make no mistake… I still love me best!

 

8 Comments
by trjensen on August 20, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Me, Sex
Tagged , , , , , ,

Posted by trjensen on August 20, 2012

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2012/08/20/well-it-took-you-long-enough/

Tagged Again!!

I was tagged again! 

I was tagged in “Tag, You’re It!” again. I wasn’t going to do it but then I looked the question’s posed by A Single Parent’s Life and just couldn’t resist.  So here goes.

Rules:

1. You must post the rules.

2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.

3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.

4. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

A Single Parent’s Life asked

  1. Your biggest fear? Realistic fear or irrational fear?  Realistically it would be always being alone, not that I can’t do that I just don’t want to.  But I am absolutely TERRIFIED of snakes and escalators.
  2. When dating older or younger? Younger baby!  I love men in their mid to late twenties and for some reason they are drawn to me.  These guys have finally figured out how to please a woman with little to no guidance and they have stamina for days.  Oh and their bodies… I love younger men.  Yum Yum Yum
  3. Favorite attribute on the opposite sex?  I almost always date men with dark hair and light eyes.  I guess that is two.  Oh well!
  4. Your favorite Sexual position? I like missionary.  I prefer my ankles be by my ears but I really like missionary.  I love eye contact but my favorite position is the spooning position as long as Mr. Man keeps his hands busy.
  5. Craziest place you have ever had sex? The craziest place… The first time I ever had an orgasm I was in the back seat of a car driving down the freeway.  Me and my baby daddy didn’t have many places we could be alone and have privacy.  For a considerable amount of my senior year of high school I had sex in rooms with other people in them.
  6. How do you feel about toys? I love toys!  (Shocker, right?)  I have more than any woman who has sex as often as I do should and I still use them all the time.
  7. Lights on or off? On!
  8. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in lust at first sight.
  9. Perfect date? Going somewhere outdoors (beach, park, farmer’s market) then dinner. 
  10. The number one thing you look for in a relationship? I have to have trust.
  11. What do you worry about most when dating?  That I sound like I am conducting a job interview.

And what I want to know is…

  1. If you were stranded on an island and could only bring one item from home what would it be?
  2. Beer or wine?
  3. Bacon or sausage?
  4. If you could only eat on food item for the rest of your life what would it be?
  5. What’s your favorite movie?
  6. Do you immediately go and take a shower after sex?
  7. What would you say is your worst vice?
  8. How often do you write?
  9. What is your favorite post on your blog?
  10. Little kids are…
  11. What is your definition of a dry spell?

I am tagging

Future of Hope

An Evil Nymph’s Blog

Aurora Morealist

LaFemmeRoar

Viciously Sweet

xoxoluvbb

A2realhousewife

The Wandering Mind

My Ideal Woman

All About Lemon

Running Naked with Scissors

19 Comments
by trjensen on February 27, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Dating, Life, Me, Sex
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Posted by trjensen on February 27, 2012

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2012/02/27/tagged-again/

I Am Whatever You Say I am

I spent a lot of time changing some of the things I didn’t like about myself.  I guess it was just about tweaking what didn’t work for me and becoming a version of myself that I was more proud of.  The physical changes are apparent.  Most people tell me I look nothing like I did a few years ago.  The emotional changes are harder to explain.  My outlook on life changed.  The way I feel about myself changed.  The way I approach so many things has changed.  I had a very long list of things I wanted to work on and I did.  Most of it stuck.  I am more optimistic, more confident and I am typically pretty happy.  A few things didn’t stick because they really where part of what makes me the girl I love.  Unfortunately, it is also what makes some people want to choke the life out of me, (which secretly makes me like those things about me more.)

I am blunt and sarcastic.  I once dated a guy who said I was one of the most sarcastic people he has ever met in his life and that it was “off putting.”   I love sarcasm.  I also love when someone can fire right back at me.  A quick wit is something I find so appealing in another person.  If I can dish out shit and tease then we’ll be friends.  If you tease me back then we’ll be friends for life.  But many people don’t like me for the same reason.  I am accused of being smug and insensitive.  It is one of the things I thought I needed to work on but it never took.  It is really part of who I am.  I am never intentionally malicious but my teasing is misconstrued as such.  If you can’t take a little (okay a lot) of goading you just won’t like me.

The other trait I thought I needed to work on was my vulgarity.  I can say wildly inappropriate things at the drop of a hat.  I swear like a trucker and my main choices for topics of discussion are seldom the first thing that pops into my friend’s heads.  My mind resides in the gutter.  I have managed to curb my desire to crack inappropriate jokes on dates but then I feel like I am not being honest about who I am.  I know when I need to watch what I say.  I know when I need to bite my tongue.  But if you say anything that can be twisted into something dirty, I am going to make comment.  The people who know me best know this about me. They have accepted it and almost expect it to happen.

The two things that probably drive people the most crazy about me are two of the things I love most about myself.  The good thing about these two qualities is that they help to weed people out of my social circle that are never really going to be happy there.  If you can’t laugh at yourself and be comfortable with who you are then you definitely don’t want to go out drinking with any of my friends.  Some people take it too personally or feel like they are being singled out.  I always remind them that if I didn’t like them they wouldn’t be a topic of discussion.  Some people prefer it that way.  That is fine by me.  Some things aren’t meant to be changed.  If you think I am an asshole then I probably am but I am also funny, warm and open.  It is all about perception.

16 Comments
by trjensen on February 27, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Me
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Posted by trjensen on February 27, 2012

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2012/02/27/i-am-whatever-you-say-i-am/

I Am Happy

The other day I was sitting on a friend’s couch watching a movie and he asked me why I hadn’t been writing.  I have been in my own little bubble a lot lately.  People are constantly inquiring what has happened to me.  “I am being lazy.” “I have been sick.” “I have been doing other things.” These are my standard responses and all are true but the real reason I haven’t been writing as much or at least updating my blog is that I am happy.  I have been pretty content lately and that frightens me. 

I don’t get to be content.  I am a fretter and a dweller so I am always, even on my most optimistic days, waiting for the bottom to drop out.  I just can’t seem to fully let my guard down.  I still can’t relax.  I don’t find myself in those moments very often.  It does happen for fleeting moments occasionally and always in the company of the same person but something causes it to pass almost the very second I realize it has happened, that I am Zen, at peace with my place in the world. 

I have written, on a number of occasions, about wanting a relationship and wanting to just be able to relax fully around one person and not worry or doubt that I am wanted there.  They seem like simple things to want but seem impossible, at least for now, to obtain.  I love the moments when I can relax but they are still fleeting.  I suppose I appreciate them more because they are.  In all of my self-reflection and growth is to appreciate the little things and enjoy simplicity. 

I am happy. I am in a good place but I am still searching for that place inside me where I can just relax and the world can fall away.  I hope everyone gets that.  I think everyone deserves it.  For me, it was I strive for, every day.  I just want to find the place where I am not only content but truly, completely satisfied with what is happening in my life.

5 Comments
by trjensen on October 7, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Me
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Posted by trjensen on October 7, 2011

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2011/10/07/i-am-happy/

It Is Me

It is amazing, even to me, how fragile my ego is. I am sad. I am sad because of a guy… again. For the first time since the fiasco late last year I genuinely wanted to like someone. Turns out wanting to like someone and wanting someone to like you hurt just about equally but at least it has me writing. I’ll be okay. I always am even when I don’t feel like I am going to be. I think sometimes I just want to stay in this state of hurt and shattered ego so I am okay with being alone.

I guess my biggest issue is I really don’t understand what I am doing wrong. I know that I am mis-stepping somewhere. I am just not sure where or when that is happening. I am not afraid to ask what it is that has changed. It isn’t because I hate myself or because I want to feel sorry for myself. I really want to understand what is happening. I am still making it difficult for men to see a future with me and I want to understand why that is.

I ask and get no answers. And I am then left replaying what has transpired and trying to figure out what still needs to change in my behavior. I want to be able to function in a relationship and not feel like I need to second guess myself. I really felt like I had reached that place but apparently I haven’t, the place where I can relax and just enjoy someone’s company. I guess it is acceptance that I am struggling with. But that is something I guess I have always had trouble with.

Rejection is hard regardless of gender or the stage you are getting to know someone. Wanting to connect with someone is amazing and rare in my experience. I still need to work on some things I guess. It would be easier if I understood what they were.

4 Comments
by trjensen on September 24, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Dating, Me, Relationship, Sex
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Posted by trjensen on September 24, 2011

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2011/09/24/it-is-me/

My Midlife Crisis

So many amazing things have changed in my life.  I lost weight, got healthy, I tapped into my writing in a way I didn’t imagine was possible and most importantly, I realized how truly amazing I am.  I have more confidence in myself now than I have ever had.  I am living alone and I feel like I can do anything.  The world is wide open waiting for me to do what I will. 

In so many aspects of my life I know exactly what I want.  I want to continue to write in the hopes that people continue to find my work relatable and entertaining.  I will continue to learn more about myself and reach inside me so that I may help others do the same.  I just want to share my experience and encourage people to look to themselves for strength and love.

It is wonderful when you see the person you truly are and have the strength to change the aspects that aren’t really working.  You can change the way you view yourself and your world.  You open yourself up to a whole new world of experiences and opportunities.  Sometime you have to let things go, things you realized were holding you back, people who view you negatively because you focus on yourself and what is best for you.

My son jokingly refers to this period in my life as my midlife crisis.  He isn’t entirely incorrect.  Just before I turned thirty seven I had become wholly unsatisfied with who I had become and the lack of focus in my life.  I am merely a shadow of the girl I was.  I am now a woman who has a much stronger grasp of who she is, what she wants and what she deserves.  I made a lot of physical and emotional changes.  I acknowledged, for the first time in my life, that it was okay to want things for myself.  I should always continue to strive to obtain what I want. 

I am more determined and in touch with why I want what I do and although I sometimes struggle trying to determine how best to approach something, I am always learning and growing, even in my failed attempts, which makes them more profound lessons and not really failures at all.  I am more honest, braver and less reckless than I was when I was younger.  By developing a deep respect for myself I am able to view the world more optimistically.

I have changed so much, in so many ways that I can’t really argue that I might be in the middle of a midlife crisis but I am having the most proactive midlife crisis ever.  I am having an awesome time and I am in an amazing place in my life. I would change what I am experiencing for the world.

 

 

1 Comment
by trjensen on July 5, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Me
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Posted by trjensen on July 5, 2011

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2011/07/05/my-midlife-crisis/

Balancing Act

When you decide there is something about yourself you aren’t entirely satisfied with how do you go about changing it?  As many of you know I made a list of things I felt needed modifying.  I started another blog about a year ago and started implementing changes.  Some of the changes were physical, lose weight, dress the way you want to feel and smile more.  Some of the changes were things that were more deep seeded behavioral and personality issues like trying to be honest more, being more positive and less judgmental. And some of the items on the list just feel by the way side like trying to stop swearing.  I swear less in inappropriate situations but I will likely never stop cussing.  I just swear a lot and that hasn’t changed.

I still have both physical and emotional intimacy issues but I am working hard to overcome them.  I am being honest outside my own comfort zone and trying to be outgoing (even though I still feel more creepy and awkward than I do friendly and extrovert.) I am still balancing my excitement with the sense that I just being overly enthusiastic and obnoxious.  I am still trying to find a comfortable way to present myself to a larger audience; that is a group comprised of strangers or mere acquaintances and not just my friends. 

I am still pretty shy and get anxious around people I don’t know.  Sometimes I feel like they are being too forward.  Sometimes I feel like I am being interrogated and get defensive.  My responses seem snarky and condescending.  Sometimes I just don’t know how to fill the silence.  I hate uncomfortable silence.  I love silence, like the moment you realize you don’t have to say something to someone.  I hate those silences where you feel like you have to fill that quiet space with words or you will be judged for it.

I know I talk about what I have accomplished but I also want to talk about what I still struggle with.  I am a pretty anxious girl and find that anxiety does still inhibit me.  I am not as trusting as I want to be and I am more optimistic than many people think I should be.  I like that I have become more optimistic but being optimistic can also mean more hurt when things don’t work out.  I basically assume the best without any justification for why I think things will turn out well.  That is a bad way to approach a situation and I am still working on finding the middle.  I am working on trying to incorporate what a situation means to me and what the situation may mean for me. 

I guess my biggest issues are still with balance.  I don’t fall down as often but I still trip enough that I feel clumsy.  Weighted boots maybe?

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by trjensen on May 28, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Life, Me
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Posted by trjensen on May 28, 2011

http://narcissistsblog.wordpress.com/2011/05/28/balancing-act/

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