So I tried the online dating thing and I find it makes me even more dismissive than I usually am. I tend to be a picky, semi-shallow woman when it comes to picking a potential sex partner. What can I say? I have always admired how well a present is wrapped. I am big on aesthetics. It isn’t all I am interested in but it definitely catches my attention.
The problem I have with online dating is that it affords me the opportunity to be far more judgmental and dismissive. I find myself looking at men’s profiles trying to find something wrong. I always fucking do. Not because there is anything that makes them truly unsuitable but I get over judgmental and pass. I do so because there will surely be someone else for me to judge and dismiss for the same silly reasons.
I know online dating works for some people but it doesn’t work for me. I need someone in my face. I need to be reminded that a man is there. I need presence and it is far too easy for me to ignore interested suitors online. I need someone to catch my attention. A photo and blurb about your interests are just too easy to pick apart and move on to the next victim.
I left my dating profile open because I do like to see who is interested. I get plenty of attention on the site. I just can’t imagine finding a potential partner using that sort of service. I need to trawl, let friends introduce me to guys and just get out more. And I also find that social networking and my blog are possible options. I have actually reconnected with some old friends and I am not opposed to paying a few of them a visit. *wink wink
I am trying to be less judgmental and pessimistic and online dating makes it easy for me to be both, in the comfort of my own living room. It just isn’t as fun to be a bitch in private. If and when I decide that someone has warranted a little of my bad attitude I much prefer it be face to face and that I have an audience.
Posted by trjensen on June 10, 2011
Over the past six months, I have started dating… again. I really didn’t date much and not seriously for over a decade. The reason I didn’t date was because raising a child on your own is complicated enough but doing it while going to school and working is like three fulltime jobs. With a schedule that busy, dating just wasn’t my priority.
I also had (have?) questionable taste in men. I seem to be attracted to men who aren’t emotionally available. I also like jerks. I never really grew out of that “rebels are hot” phase we all hit in our late teens. I was, however, blessed with the good sense not to subject my son to my poor choices in men. After a while, I was even able to convince myself I didn’t mind being alone and then I completely stopped dating.
All together I was abstinent for nearly thirteen years. In the past several months I have been dating again. I haven’t dated a lot and I would like to go out more but I have a problem. My problem is this: I want to date men my own age, 35 to 42 seems like a good age range to go by. You know who is asking me out? Guys in their early twenties and in their late forties/early fifties ask me out. Very seldom do I get asked out by someone my age.
Most single men my age have been married. I have never been married. It has been my experience that most men who have been married and are now finding themselves single for the first time in ten or more years aren’t looking for a relationship. They are looking to have fun. They don’t want anything serious and they don’t want what I find myself pining for. Furthermore the ones I see, who do seem to be ready for another relationship typically wind up dating women in their early twenties.
Now that I desire something of a more mature relationship I find myself back in the pool with a bunch of men who are attempting to recapture the youth’s. This leaves me to deal with the fact that I may very well find the dating scene very similar to the one I was in when I left it. This is a little unnerving to me.
It has been suggested that I consider an internet dating service. I don’t have a very high opinion of internet dating, based on previous experience. I have had some bad experiences with them in the past and that was without ever having gone on a date with anyone who contacted me.
After trying to date the “old fashioned” way it seems like an internet service might be the best way to be selective and I am picky. I am going to give it a try, one more time. I should add that this is completely out of comfort zone. I just need to keep an open mind and I promise to share if I do in fact go out on dates.
Posted by trjensen on April 3, 2011