I talk a lot about timing and how sometimes things feel like they aren’t happening at the right stage in your life. I don’t know that I necessarily believe that is true anymore. I genuinely believe that every experience happens to you for a singular purpose. That purpose… to grow.
That being said, timing isn’t really an issue. This conclusion leads to only one rational explanation. Some relationships are just more complicated than others. Some relationships, no matter how strong your connection is, require more work. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t meant to be. It just means that due to circumstance the gestation period of some relationships is just longer. Your interactions may be more limited than you would like. Progress may be slower than you hope for but that doesn’t mean that your timing is bad. It doesn’t mean you aren’t supposed to be in each other’s lives right now.
Things happen when and how they are supposed to. Some things happen the way we want them to; when we want them to. Some things don’t turn out the way we hope. It is always easier to speculate how something might be better if the circumstances were slightly different but those experiences and relationships exist so we may grow.
We have something to learn from everyone who enters our lives. Some relationships are more significant but they all have something to teach us. So when a relationship isn’t going exactly the way you hope it doesn’t mean it isn’t working. Sometimes the struggle can make a relationship stronger. Sometimes we have lessons to learn about ourselves. We just need to be open to what life presents to us.
Take from each experience, the joy and learning opportunities and appreciate each person for what they can offer, an opportunity to grow and experience. And remember, no experience is bad as long as you can move forward a better person.
People come into your life just when you need them. Some are there to teach easy lessons. Others are there to remind you of something. Some serve to teach you something external, others teach you something about yourself. But they are there and present when they need to be. Their timing (in the grand scheme of things) is always perfect.
Posted by trjensen on August 2, 2012
Besides being the name of original blog, being back at one seems to be something I am quite familiar with. I have seen lots of comings and goings over the last year and most of them have been my chose. I have become much better at letting things and people go.
I casually dated for quite some time before I met the man I have been dating for the past few months. Things became complicated a month ago when he had his first child with another woman. I struggled with how I would fit in his already busy/chaotic life. He started a new job, just had his first child and was preparing to return to school. The timing was all wrong and I desperately hoped one of us could come up with a solution.
I also secretly and not irrationally feared that having a baby with another woman would renew some emotional connection in that relationship. I couldn’t imagine how it wouldn’t. Ever since the birth of his son I have felt very insecure about our relationship. He was hesitant to commit to me fully and I suspected that it was because he hoped he and his son’s mother would reunite.
Tonight as I was preparing to go out into the nightmare that is Black Friday shopping I received a text from him confirming my suspicions. He did in fact hope to reconnect with the mother of his son. Of course this hurts me. I did care for him but I also completely understand. I respect him for being honest with me and sparing my feelings. I have been extremely insecure and needy since his son has been born. I had become a mere shadow of the confident, secure, fun-loving woman he had wanted to date initially.
I knew the change in emotional state was becoming an issue. He stopped telling me he missed me. He stopped sending me cute little text messages just to say hi or tell me how sexy he thought I was. And the more his behavior changed the more nervous I got. I struggled to convince myself that nothing had changed and that I needed to relax and not fret about things I could not control. I just couldn’t do it.
So I am back at one. I am sad but I know I’ll be okay. If this year taught me anything it is that I am pretty good at bouncing back. Maybe I will even be able to maintain a friendship with someone I have dated. That would be a first for me.
*I do still wonder if I am doing something else wrong…
Posted by trjensen on November 25, 2011