Rubber Neckin’

This inspired me to share a story


A long, long time ago a man I was dating asked me to respond to a message from his ex on Facebook.  I had logged on to his Facebook account to change his profile picture while we sat on my couch.  While I was doing so his messenger popped up. It was his ex so he asked me to tell her he was unavailable.

His Ex: Hi!!!!

Me: This isn’t J***.  He can’t talk right now.

His Ex: Oh! Who is this?

Okay so clearly I had a choice at this point.  I could have just ignored her or closed messenger or I could do what I did, which was… be a complete asshole and tell her exactly who she was talking to.  This girl hated me. She hated me with a passion and in my opinion she had absolutely no reason to.  She had also been quite vocal about it to anyone who would listen for quite some time.

Me: This is Teri.

His Ex:  You stole my boyfriend you bitch.  Why would I want to talk to you?

Me: I was just letting you know, at J***’s request, that he isn’t able to talk right now.  I don’t want to be having this conversation anymore than you do.

His Ex: Fuck you! You stole my man.  You are such a whore!

A few short moments later the guy I was dating’s cell phone rang. I logged him off of my computer and asked if it was her.  He nodded as he hit the talk button.  “Tell your whore…” “…want to talk to that cunt,” I heard her screaming. He just hung up.  He apologized to me. “It doesn’t bother me,” I smiled and shrugged.  “Were you two dating when we met?” I asked. It wasn’t the first time it had come up. “Teri, we broke up two weeks before I met you.” he answered.  “I don’t really care. I just wondered,” I said. “She is crazy,” he added. “Clearly.”

I genuinely didn’t care.  I had met the man six months earlier, one night at a bar.  He approached me.  He flirted with me.  He was there with friends.  We sat and talked.  We wound up making out.  He called me the next day and wanted to do something again that weekend.  His relationship status never occurred to me.  I didn’t think anything would come of our night but six months later I was sitting on my couch with his arm around me watching movies.  I was fine with how we met and didn’t care about who had been in his arms before I was.

The ex was another story.  They had dated for three months and when they broke up she had a hard time letting go.  The night we met, she showed up at his friends’ bar hopping birthday celebration about half an hour before.  He told her to go home because he was just trying to have fun with his friends.  Thirty minutes later I was in the picture.  That weekend while I was at his place meeting some of his friends and having a few drinks, his ex texted him asking what he was doing.  He said he was hanging out with some friends and the girl he had just started dating.  Every cell phone in the group started vibrating.  She was texting everyone, trying to find out who I was and what I looked like.  I even posed for a picture so one of their mutual friends could send it to her.  While all this data was being thrown back and forth, two things happened.  Everyone decided that I was awesome and “the ex” decided she hated me.

She would tell anyone who listened that I stole her man.  I was a bitch.  I was a boyfriend stealer.  I was a whore.  The truth is none of that matters.  She was too busy blaming me for what happened to realize that even if they were together he didn’t have much respect for her. He was interested in me from the moment we met.  He was so engaged it never occurred to me that he may even have a girlfriend.  She hated me for taking something that didn’t belong to her.  He didn’t even belong to me.  People aren’t possessions.  He made a decision.  I made a decision.  Rather than be pissed at the person who was involved in her pain, she chose to hate me.  We never met but she will probably blame me for whatever pain she felt forever.

I can’t imagine holding on to that kind of animosity for six months after a relationship ended.  To me that is just nuts.  And if you are going to be pissed at someone maybe it should be the one you are emotionally tied to and not a complete stranger.  When it comes to jealousy and misplaced anger, I could not care less.

Exes shouldn’t really factor in to a new relationship. They were never part of your life and have no in your relationship with anyone.  Some relationships don’t work.  Women should spend more time focused on the future instead of constantly looking back.  That shit is just a pain in the neck.

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  1. Here, here. or is it Hear, hear. Too damn tired to care, but anyways….

    You are exactly right. Why would someone hate the person their ex is with? No matter HOW the whole thing played out, the ex made a choice to no longer be with them.

    By saying you stole her man, she is stating that he is a weak-willed idiot and why would she want him if that’s anywhere close to the truth?

    People are crazy.

    • I hate that whole possessive thing anyway. The idea that people are possessions is insulting to me. Everyone has free will. Choices are always made.

  2. What a psycho psychotic bitch! The fact that she texted EVERYONE at that party in one go just to see what you looked like, jesus.

    Didn’t anyone tell her to pull her head out and get over herself because he’d dumped her? Did anyone say anything at that party? They couldn’t all be HER friends could they? Or were they his friends but she had them in her phone?

    So many details left out, lol.

    • They were his friends I guess. I wound up with a lot of his friends’ numbers in my phone after a year. She rented a room from his brother and his girlfriend. Some were annoyed, others were amused. I finally just posed for a picture. Everyone kind of ignored her after that. But for a long time if I interacted with anyone in those social circles on the internet she would say something. A lot of those people cut ties with her after that. I never responded or spoke to her except that one instance. She was a psycho. I never concerned myself with her.

      She also buddied up with the woman he dated after me. She told her so much about me that his new girlfriend contacted me to ask how I dealt with her. I told her I didn’t. I had never spoke to her or saw her in person. The new girl just laughed and said she sure acted like she knew a lot about me.

      I just have no interest in the girls who come before or after me.

  3. Halleluiah! If he can be “stolen” he’s not worth it anyway. Why would you want to date a mindless loser who is forced to date every floozy who throws herself at him (which is what is being insinuated with stealing a man). It’s like he is a purse or keychain with no will of his own.

    • I totally agree. I guess the only conversation I would have with her would be to explain I hadn’t noticed him but when he saw me he walked right up. He knew he wanted to meet me. That is how into her he was.

  4. Always great to see you writing!

  5. I think that we have to consider the “Ex Factor.” I want to know enough about an ex to get a read on my new guy. How he talks about her, how he treated her at the end, and how recently the relationship ended all provide important information.
    But I completely agree that once something is over, a person needs to move on. There’s no sense in chasing someone who is no longer interested for months after.

    • The only thing I thought about how he dealt with her anger toward me. He tends to want to maintain a friendship after everything. He did that with me too. He still texts, wants to chat like everything should be okay. I think that made it harder for her. That is so hard to do. The difference is I ultimately didn’t want to be friends. Our breakup was hard on me. I didn’t want to just chat. His ex felt like that desire to remain cordial was an indication of his continued interest. Her animosity toward me made a friendship between them impossible. She tried to stay in touch but he decided it wasn’t possible. I will admit that I found his choice in women pretty random.

  6. I dated a guy for awhile who had a crazy ex. To make matters worse, she was the mother of his two children and didn’t want me around her children. She hated me before she ever met me. We’ve never even spoken to each other. Just been in the same vicinity. I, like you, didn’t get that hatred either.

  7. AGREED. If it’s over & done with, who cares who he or she is dating. The other person is not the enemy (unless cheating is actually & knowingly involved on their part).

    • It is hard to let go sometimes and I do get that but why badger the person who has nothing to do with you? At some point you have to accept that things are going forward and you have to go forward too.

  8. She just made herself look worse and unattractive. Do women really think the guy will come back after behaving like that?

    • It was insane to me how she made up my entire personality without ever understanding what happened.

    • Sometimes they do believe that scaring away the new girl will make their old flames come back. At the very least it’ll keep competition away until they can heavy arm their ex into returning. They do not think clearly during those “haterade” filled moments. I’m speaking from personal experience.

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