It All Started with the World’s Ugliest T-Shirt

IMAG0195_BURST004Last Tuesday as I got ready for work, I pulled on my new turquoise reading program tee and examined myself in the mirror. “This shirt is so fucking ugly,” I mumbled to myself.  We have a youth summer reading program this summer at all of the library branches and as part of the program we were given t-shirts with a squirrel reading a stack of books.  I suppose it is meant to inspire to children to read but I hate it.  It reminds me of a t-shirt a heavy older woman would wear. (Go ahead and give me shit about this. I don’t give a fuck.  The only adult women I see wearing shirts with cartoon characters on them are very heavy and/or old.) I would never voluntarily wear such a shirt.

When I entered the living room my nieces and best childhood friends had a grand old time teasing me about said shirt.  I was well aware of how stupid I looked but I had to wear the shirt at some point.  I went to my second day of work at my newest branch. It was business as usual aside from the fact that I kept remembering at random moments, mostly while talking to male patrons, that I was wearing that ugly t-shirt.

In the afternoon a cute guy came into the library dressed in a suit.  He was on his way to a job interview and was using the computer to send out another resume for a job.  He asked me for help and went over occasionally to answer a question for him.  He reminded me of a much taller version of Pretty Boy.  He had a nice smile and flirted with me every time he beckoned me over to help him.

When he was finished he came over to my desk and thanked me for helping him. We talked for a few minutes when he paused and asked, “Do you know how to tie a tie?” I glanced at his tie and realized he had it on backwards.  I laughed and told him it wasn’t in my job description.  I paused for a moment then asked him to come to me.  He untied his tie. I reached up and adjusted his tie, sliding the back of my hands down his chest as I did so.  He stared down at me and looked up at him. “Do you want a single or a double?” I asked. “Which ever you think looks best,” he said smiling.  I tied his tie then patted his chest. “All done,” I announced.

He looked down into my eyes and at that very moment I remembered I was still wearing that stupid fucking shirt. I met his gaze and he said, “You are really pretty.” I blushed looked down at my shirt and replied, “Yeah, with my sexy squirrel shirt.

I must have caught him off guard because as he started to laugh some spit shot out of his mouth and hit my face.  I looked down and wiped my face off.  He took a step back and so did I. He was embarrassed and I was embarrassed. He thanked me again and left.  It went from a bad porn plot to awkward in about one second.

Call me crazy but I think there should be a date before body fluids are exchanged.

Update: He did come back into the library.  He still seemed a little uncomfortable because of our last encounter but I still like looking at him.  Maybe we’ll have another moment.

Leave a comment


  1. I think it would be charming if he tripped over his feet one day after waving to you…

    • I once saw a guy walk into a door frame while trying to look down my shirt. That was fucking hilarious.

  2. I was laughing so hard! And being a reading volunteer myself, I must say, my experience was never that interesting! hahaha.. needed the laugh, thank you! :D

  3. LOL, you’re too funny … and you’re right about the shirt, but on the positive side, the color is nice on you = )

  4. I think it’s sweet. But yes date first then MAYBE an exchange of spit later :)


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